We went out with friends for dinner on Friday night, but the rest of the weekend was for family. Jonah came home from college, so I made a nice dinner for him – roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw. On Sunday, we had a baptism and family party in the afternoon. Steve and Ian and I were too blobby after all that food, so we stayed home to watch the football game. Pictures below (Click on one to start a slide show.)
Apt. 11d 
Adorable baby! Currently missing them in my life, but avoiding asking the 20 somethings/30 somethings around when they are going to reproduce.
LikeLike
bj wrote, “avoiding asking the 20 somethings/30 somethings around when they are going to reproduce.”
I’m still patting myself on the back for resisting the urge to ask my childless married cousin when they were going to have kids.
She has twins now, but as I discovered later, she had been suffering from infertility.
LikeLike
Yes, there’s never a good reason to ask.
I do worry that women are being mislead about fertility (with celebrities having babies into their 40s, articles about how 35 isn’t a magic number for age related infertility, . . . .). But, it is not my place to ask or try to inform!
(Paris Hilton, for example, apparently spent the months before her wedding banking embryos so that she could have babies “when she’s ready”; she’s going to turn 41 this year)
LikeLike
It certainly seems as though first-time-mothers are getting older.
Out of my antenatal class (12 women): 3 were 39-40, 2 were in their mid 20s, and the rest 30s.
It certainly made for some … interesting … discussions about futures and planning.
For example, the older women were planning on returning to secure careers, and had strong bridges back to full (or, if they chose, part-time) work. The younger women had much more fluid career plans (and several went on to have 2+ more children).
There were definite ‘benefits’ in being older: more secure financial and partnership situations; babies were highly valued and desired – but consequent ‘costs’: likely to have fewer children – less energy [boy, is that true!]; out of synch with peer group who had children earlier, etc.
And, that sets aside the women who have left it too late.
One of my connections-by-marriage had serious infertility issues in her early 30s – effectively early menopause. She now has twins after 5 cycles of IVF – it basically took over her life for 4 years.
Another daughter of a friend has just had a baby in her early 20s. Mostly because, after years of incapacitating and widespread endometriosis, the medical recommendation was for a surgical intervention – and it was now or never for a baby. She is the *only* one in her peer group of friends schoolmates to have a baby.
LikeLike
My daughter recently told me that of the ~200 women she knows from her schooling, all from 26 to just under 30, she knows only (x) babies have been born.
Guess the (x).
LikeLike
Zero? One? Anyway, a small number.
LikeLike
Four. Most, if not all, are college educated, but I find the number shocking. The average age of the birth of the first child is (was in 2018) 26, but this cohort may not start having children until much later than (slightly) older cohorts.
Covid has played a large role, as well, as it is much harder to meet anyone new.
LikeLike
S was on a kick last month about wanting to have a baby. I am not sure if she was trying to make me insane or if it was for real. She is 22.
LikeLike
I shocked my daughter by not freaking out at the news one of her middle school friends had gotten married. The bride had graduated from college, employed, so…no big deal. To me.
I do always do the math when a news story hits about “grandmother of three.” Sadly, I’m now moving into great-grandmother country, had I made different life choices.
LikeLike
Wendy wrote, “S was on a kick last month about wanting to have a baby. I am not sure if she was trying to make me insane or if it was for real. She is 22.”
BFF has a cousin who is 19 who has a loser boyfriend and who is suddenly expectant.
This would be more of a surprise to everybody, if she hadn’t been talking for the past year about how much she wanted a baby.
If only the urge would strike when more appropriately coupled!
LikeLike
My mom was younger than I am now when I had S (her first grandchild). In another 1.5 years, I’ll be the same age she was when she became a grandmother of 3!
LikeLike
Cranberry wrote, “I shocked my daughter by not freaking out at the news one of her middle school friends had gotten married. The bride had graduated from college, employed, so…no big deal. To me.”
Our oldest is 19 and for the last year or so, we have been at a stage where engagement announcements are starting to drop among the kids 1-4 years older than her. The last one I heard of was two college juniors who were gooily in love in high school and are getting married this summer.
I guess we gotta start budgeting for wedding gifts!
LikeLike
Wendy wrote, “My mom was younger than I am now when I had S (her first grandchild). In another 1.5 years, I’ll be the same age she was when she became a grandmother of 3!”
I’m 4 years younger than my grandma was when she became my grandma.
Makes you think!
One of the things it makes me think is: I’ve got to keep up the yoga.
LikeLike
The wedding photos remind me a lot of my parents’ 1969 wedding picture.
Or a scene from a Martin Scorsese film.
LikeLike
I had to take Ian to an independent doctor hired by the government to make sure that he really had autism. Assholes. 19 years of reports wasn’t good enough for them. When he was there, the doctor asked Ian, if he was married. His jaw dropped and said, “no! I’m 19!” And then the guy read the next question on the form, “Do you have any children?” Ian gasped and said, “NO! What do you think I am? A rapist?”
Turns out, my 19-year old son did not know that teenagers have babies out of wedlock. This is autism, folks. It means being TOTALLY socially naive.
And then, fun times… The guy asked Ian a few memory and number questions, which he hit out all the ballpark. Broke the test. So, now it looks like we’re going to get turned down for disability payments. I will have to hire a lawyer to appeal.
We won’t be able to go on vacation this year, because I have to hire lawyers for everything.
LikeLike
Getting really curious about the “independent doctor” and the criteria they use.
Also, how long was this interview?
LikeLike
I can’t remember exactly. Like 30 or 40 minutes, I think.
LikeLike
“I can’t remember exactly. Like 30 or 40 minutes, I think.”
This is bull***t. Surely there must be some recourse.
LikeLike
The recourse is an appeal, which requires a specialized lawyer. The is the fed govt, that’s causing problems right now. I have to apply with them and get approved before I am allowed to start the process with the state for their own programs and benefits. This is seriously a two or three year process.
LikeLike
I mean bull***t on the part of NJ. Just to be clear.
You can’t make an eval on something like that, of such importance, based on less than an hour. This is criminal.
LikeLike
What Laura is reporting on is the dirty underbelly of federal disability benefits (a friend is a disability rights lawyer and I remember being horrified when she first described the process and the process of appeal and of getting doctor’s reports decades ago).
My understanding is that the doctor doesn’t make a decision about benefits, but sends the medical report to the agency that makes the determination (which also uses the other reports).
LikeLike
“The guy asked Ian a few memory and number questions, which he hit out all the ballpark. Broke the test. So, now it looks like we’re going to get turned down for disability payments.” How is it that a state-sanctioned psychologist is unaware of something I learned from watching Rain Man in the 80s?
Really sorry to hear about this. Idiots.
(Note: not suggesting Rain Man is a great portrayal of autism.)
LikeLike
I started this process about two weeks ahead of a friend. Her son has already been approved and got a check. I got an email two days ago that said that I had to be available at a particular time/day to get a phone call. No other information. I assume someone will tell us then that Ian was rejected, and how to proceed with the appeal process. Her son’s issues are more obvious. The system does not recognize autism by itself as a disability.
LikeLike
This whole thing is *awful*. What a mess.
LikeLike