Wealthy suburbs are hot, because the schools are good. Well, it’s not entirely clear if test scores are high, because the schools function better or because the high-octane families supplement tons, but, whatever, let’s just leave it at “lots of people want to move to certain towns” right now.
My kids are prospering in the new school environment, but there’s definitely some weird shit going on.
Harlan Coben, a novelist and fellow townie, writes about the intense sports culture. We haven’t seen it, because Jonah’s not on the A-level sports teams. I heard that the lacrosse politics is insane.
There’s also other dysfunction brewing around the edges. Steve went to a parents’ meeting for Confirmation at the local church. The speaker told the crowd about the town’s problem with stress disorders and binge drinking and all-night texting marathons.
Sometimes, I think that I’m living in the Ice Storm. But without the key parties.
Apt. 11d 
We haven’t seen it, because Jonah’s not on the A-level sports teams.
I’ve seen people stack a soccer team for six-year-olds. They lost the game against my kid’s team, either because karma or because little kids aren’t reliable at all. I’ve also seen very slightly more sensible parents try to use little kiddie soccer teams as a way to meet socially prominent adults with children the same age.
LikeLike
Clearly the solution is to arrange your own key party.
LikeLike
Instead of a Date Night, we could have a Dates Night.
LikeLike
I have been told that our nearby well-off and high-achieving (academic and sports) high school has a high concentration of dealers who sell to kids attending the less affluent high schools.
We moved out of our old neighbourhood at the right time. It used to have four K-8 schools (Anglophone public, Anglophone Catholic, French Catholic and Anglophone public-French Immersion). Now only the last of those four is still open and the area feels much less family-oriented.
LikeLike
I didn’t grow up in the suburbs, but some of my classmates’ parents got busted for being part of a pretty giant coke ring. I was too oblivious to notice much drug use in high school, outside of pot smoking.
LikeLike
The speaker told the crowd about the town’s problem with stress disorders and binge drinking and all-night texting marathons.
Your kids are totally safe from this. Really. Why? Because Steve attended this event. And there must be bonus points for father attendance at such an event. The parents who really need to worry about the Panic du Jour, because their kids are experimenting with danger, never ever show up.
In my time, I’ve attended events warning of: The Choking Game, Facebook, Rainbow Parties, huffing, kids not spending enough time outside. I’ve no doubt forgotten a few. In general, it seems preteen and teen social practices scare upper middle class parents enough to persuade them to attend evening events.
The ideal child no doubt returns from travel soccer practice (oops, sorry, lacrosse!), eats dinner with family, then goes upstairs to do his homework. He’s preparing for a fortnight spent backpacking in a barely known foreign country, documenting the travels of an obscure figure from history. On his return, he’ll produce a manuscript fit for publication. During his trip, he’ll Tweet updates, but he’ll never IM or Facebook. No, he’s too serious and future-directed to deign to fritter his time away on a social life with teenagers.
LikeLike
The ideal child huffs in moderation only.
LikeLike
I don’t even know what to say. Google The Main Line. That’s my life.
LikeLike