Quantifying My Irritation

~ Laura

This morning, I went trolling for data, the basic ingredient to any proper digital article. Digital media loves a good statistic. Any number will do.

Twenty-Five States Pass a Dangerous New Law! 83 Percent of Mammals Eat Baby Insects! More People Are Eating Cookies For Breakfast! 

I suppose that I should shudder and cringe at this reduction of facts to an SEO-able headline, but I'm not proud. I am happily contributing to the downfall of civilization. 

In my morning of trolling for data, I stumbled across the census bureau's new report on childcare arrangements. Oooh! Children AND statistics! I can do a lot with that. But the report didn't have anything dramatic in there. Reading between the lines, it's clear that parents are cobbling together all sorts of different arrangments. Parents cobble? Can I make that into a headline? Probably not. 

Ugh. I need a new part-time job. I called the local community college to set up a teaching gig for July. 

After a jog at the gym and a pleasant 30 minutes trimming back the roses, I'm back in good spirits. [My Martha Stewart tip for the day: Cut all your rose bushes by 3/4rds right now.] I'm back to scheming my next article. 65 Percent of Women Think that Kim Kardashian Is Faking Her Pregnancy! 

Published by Laura

3 thoughts on “Quantifying My Irritation”

  1. I think you should join the cookies for breakfast crowd. One of my few regrets about getting married (before 30) was that my wife made me give that up (mostly because she doesn’t really like cookies.) Before that, I’d put 2-3 portions of toll-house pre-packaged cookie dough in the toaster oven before going to the shower, and would have hot cookies waiting for me when I was done. It was great.

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  2. I think it’s only 35% of women who think that Kim is faking her pregnancy. If she only had a belly, it would be 65% but the overall biggerness, I think, indicates a real pregnancy.
    (that was Sarah Palin’s mistake. She was too svelte 🙂

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  3. My grandmother, who grew fabulous roses, had a simple rule for cutting them back: Waist high at Thanksgiving, knee high at Presidents’ Day. \

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