Idiot Language

This morning, I’ve been running around NJ doing the suburban mom thing. I returned a dress to the GAP. I went to a couple of garden centers looking for a little tree for the containers on the front porch. I priced front doors on the Internet. I read Rousseau in Starbucks. I also went to the dentist and voted.

I have the most annoying dentist in New Jersey. He laughs at his own jokes and makes crude comments about the sexual proclivities of redheads. Um, asshole, can you just fix my tooth and stop touching my hair? Turns out I chipped a tooth and I need to get it filed down.

Then I drove over to the local middle school to vote. We have four ballot measures, but the best one is number 4.

The state wants to alter the constitution language concerning voting
rights. Instead of saying that an "idiot or insane person" can’t vote.
Now it will read "a person who has been adjudicated by a court of
competent jurisdiction to lack the capacity to understand the act of
voting."

Oh, that’s so dull. I would like to suggest alternative language.

1. Retarded

2. Idiot man-child

3. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer

4. A person who sees things that aren’t there (ie. WMD)

5. Barking mad