Oscar Blogging

~ Laura

We’re live blogging Oscar time. Feel free to add your comments.

Dress review. So, Kiera Knightly looks great. Love the dress. Love the necklace.
Will someone tell George Clooney that he’s not funny.
So, I heard that the Oscars is supposed to have super low viewership this year. No big blockbuster movies up for awards. And some people think that my lover, Jon Stewart, might not capture middle America. Shut up.

Isaac Mizrahi loved Brokeback Mountain. Yes, that’s a shocker.
Nicole Kidman. Botox.
What’s with all the lemon dresses? Lemon-yellow is NOT a good color for red heads. My style tip for the evening.

Forgive the retarded design scheme. Typepad has issues tonight.

OK. Here’s a fun game. Switch between E!, channel 7 and 11 and watch George Clooney make the same lame joke three times.

So, the theme of the evening isn’t lemony dresses. It’s Hollywood as the Liberal Den of Iniquity. Jon Stewart, my lover, brought it up. And George Clooney said that we’re liberal and we’re proud.

Dolly Parton is doing her thing, God love her. I ran into Dolly once at the Pierre Hotel in Manhattan. I was there for high tea, and Dolly showed up wearing a turquoise jump suit. Actually, the jump suit had knickers on the bottom. God love her. Just sing 9 to 5, honey.

Luke or Owen? Yes.

So, back a year ago when I bought this laptap, I said no network card for me. No, far better, to run up the stairs during commercial breaks to blog. Moron.

Jon Stewart, my lover, keeps making political jokes that are just whizzing over those poor, dumb people’s heads.

My God, look at the pre-natal boobage on Rachel Weisz.

Steve wants to know if Lauren Bacall is bombed.

Charlize. Nice dress except for the bow. The damn Penguin movie won. We wanted Sharpe James.

Fashion tip from J. Lo. If you pull back your hair tight enough, instant face lift. Thanks, Jenny.

For the record. 1 Corona. 1 Martini. 2 Olives.

Keanu Reeves. . Yep. It’s always a head scratcher.

OK. Who likes montages? I like montages. First of all, it gives my funny man and lover, Jon Stewart, a chance for a little breather. Secondly, I got to see Dolly give that line that never goes stale. “You stay there or I’ll turn you from a rooster to a hen in just one shot.”

Dan, Salma looked nice in blue.

Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep. Best. Intro. Ever. Reminded me how much I like Robert Altman. I’ll have do the Blockbuster thing and revisit Gosford Park and the Player.

Yes. Queen gets to give the award to the hiphop song. Good moment.

Got to have the “Remind Them Who Died” montage. I hope to be in one of those some day.

In Turkey, they translated “Brokeback Mountain” as “Faggot Cowboys.”

Phillip Seymour Hoffman wins for best actor. Oh good, Steve can tell me again about that time he saw Hoffman on the subway. Oh, gee. I never heard that story before, dear. It’s marriage, people.

How much do we love Reese Witherspoon? A ton. Great role. Great tunes. I didn’t know T-Bone Burnett did the music to that movie also. Why wasn’t that music up for an award? Great speech. “Just trying to matter…” Me, too, Reese. Me, too.

To the person who showed up here by googling “Jon+Stewart+Not+Funny,” be gone.

They must be running over time. The orchestra is cutting off speeches and they made Nicholson run onto the stage. No hamming, Jack. Steve has already gone to bed.

Oh. That’s it. No final words from my lover? Well, that’s it, I guess. OK, I’ll admit it. He could have done better. Not so much on the ha-has. Psst, dear, cable is cooler than the Oscars. If they boot you off the Daily Show, you can always guest blog at 11D.

I’m off to bed and, yes, I have the bed spins. Thanks for coming by.

Give me your review. Best dress. Best speech. Best host.

Published by Laura

20 thoughts on “Oscar Blogging”

  1. Let me guess: the liquor is flowing so freely that the blogging has stopped? Steve threw something at the computer? Jon Stewart is so funny that I really should be watching?

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  3. George Clooney *is* funny! Only guy I’d cheat on my husband with. It’s not just the looks; it’s the whole attitude.

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  4. Ah, no network card. That explains it. Makes live blogging a kind of aerobic activity. Which doesn’t seem like it would go well with the martinis.
    Of course, martinis can get you through a period without a network card better than a network card can get you through a period without martinis.

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  7. I haven’t seen The Constant Gardener and thus can’t comment on how good Rachel Weisz was in it, but Catherine Keener was ROBBED.
    George Clooney: awfully nice to look at even though I agree his speech was a bit lame.

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  9. I loved Keener in Capote. Just loved her. But I can see why Weisz won. Her role had a lot more variety to it. I actually saw 3 nominees in that category; we watched the overrated (by Ebert and Roeper) Junebug. Adams was good (though I was watching to see what Benjamin McKenizie aka Ryan Atwood could do).

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  11. Re: Steve’s Hoffman encounter… ask my Hubby how many times I’ve told the story of flying from Chicago to L.A. with George Clooney. It used to beat out all my friends-in-L.A.’s movie star encounter stories except Ruthie’s side-by-side convertables at a stoplight with Bob Redford.
    Now that I’m living in the flyover again, my celebrity encounters consist of seeing the local hair replacement king who does his own TV commercials, at a community orchestra concert. Sigh.

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  13. best dress and best speech– Reese Witherspoon (I’m SO trying not to be jealous… but that girl seems to have everything)
    best host– classic Billy Crystal

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  14. Reese was awesome. I actually thought that Keira looked sort of odd – but maybe it’s just that she needs to eat a little, or back off the blonde. The necklace was great, though. Meryl Streep’s dress was gorgeous. My friends and I were intrigued by Terrence Howard’s man-brooch. And yes, wow, Weisz-boobage. We were all a little disturbed, though, at how many women were in white-girl-nude. Nicole Kidman needs to get out of the ghostly blond thing, and Naomi Watts seems to be following her. Oh, but the Latinas got to wear green/blue. Otherwise, it was black or beige/nude/ivory.
    (What, do people actually talk at the Oscars? I just look at the clothes.)

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  15. Nah, I know when I’m being ribbed.
    Okay, tho, just the punchline: The in-flight movie was One Fine Day. Everyone in the airplane roared with laughter when it was announced.

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  17. I vote for Lauren Bacall being old. That made me sad. As did the in memoriam montage. Liked Reese’s speech also. Was mad that Brokeback Mountain didn’t win best picture and that Heath and Jake didn’t win in their categories. Dustin Hoffman was funny. Jack Nicholson was bombed.

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