Theresa Heinz Kerry hands the Republicans a nice little gift. Via Lileks.
Q: You’d be different from Laura Bush?
A: Well, you know, I don’t know Laura Bush. But she seems to be calm, and she has a sparkle in her eye, which is good. But I don’t know that she’s ever had a real job — I mean, since she’s been grown up. So her experience and her validation comes from important things, but different things. And I’m older, and my validation of what I do and what I believe and my experience is a little bit bigger — because I’m older, and I’ve had different experiences. And it’s not a criticism of her. It’s just, you know, what life is about.
Lileks responds: The big gaffe was the idea, standard to people of a certain age, that parenting is not a real job.
I heard a fascinating interview on the Medved show this week with a droning professor who lamented the failure of feminism to drive more women out of the house. She’d done a study of high-achieving women whose marriage notices were printed in the New York Times, and found that several years out, almost half had quit their jobs to stay home with the kids. Apparently they hadn’t internalized the New Truths, the Blazing Facts, the Glorious Realization that the highest calling in life is to sit in a veal pen on the 34th floor of a Manhattan skyscraper and type up depositions while Consuela teaches your children how to write their ABCs.
After a certain age, I think it’s fine to ship the tots off for the day. Me, I dread the day Gnat goes to school full time. But at least I had our years before first grade snagged her and pulled her into the machinery. My wife had six months when Gnat was born, and that made a great deal of difference; the time she had with Gnat when she was laid off was a boon, and she knew it. (She only went back to work because she knew I’d be home with Gnat; that was the decision we made a long time ago.) There is nothing – nothing in the workplace that matches the challenges and joys of the first five years. If you can’t make it work, well, then you can’t. But if you can, you should. Dare I say you ought to.
You might find yourself making Play-doh spaghetti one afternoon, and realize, to your astonishment, that you are happy. Why, you might even be validated.
Every woman (and parent) who is sitting in a playroom with dirty sweats reading “Goodnight Moon” for the 1,000th time understands this. And every woman who changed careers to help our her husband, because it isn’t a competition but a team effort, understands this. This is why married women with kids start voting Republican. Because the Republicans aren’t judging them.
It’s this kind of nonsense that is going to sink Kerry.
UPDATE: The Post.
Apt. 11d 
I wondered if Theresa was just drawing fire …
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Nonsense that Republicans aren’t judging stay-at-home moms. Republicans are judging them and acutely! Some of it may seem validating, but I don’t know about that. My husband was the stay-at-home parent and for years he felt as if he was being judged and dismissed by those on the conservative spectrum even though many of them spoke glowingly about enabling mothers to stay at home and parent their children. (How so, in particular? I’d say they sure didn’t make it easier in these lean economic times with benefits for the chop.)
I would also say that administrations that are hostile to fully-funded and extended maternity/paternity leaves (it’s 50 weeks here, now, in Canada) are not parenting friendly. Parties that do not put a full range of family-friendly benefits forward as a national platform earn my jaundiced eye.
In the end, I’m voting because of bigger issues than whether or not I feel that my family’s living and parenting arrangements are validated or appreciated by the spouse of a politician.
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Feh. Theresa apologized–for forgetting Laura’s job that she held thirty years ago—and for sounding dismissive of at home moms. She tried to call Laura to apologize in person, but she “wasn’t available.” (wonder why?) Laura’s media person did say the first lady had “taken no offense” in response to the apology.
What have the Republicans done for moms lately? Oh yeah–nothing. And Theresa ain’t on the ballot, last I checked. I don’t think people–including moms–who were going to vote for Kerry are going to change their mind on this one. And Lileks has been pimping for George’s War from day one, because he thinks it’s 1943 again and he’s the Last Square-Jawed American Hero. I would hardly expect him to say anything different.
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ADM – I don’t think Theresa meant to stick her foot in this one. She was thrown off guard by a new question and accidentally showed her preferrences for women who work.
What have Republicans done for mothers? Nothing, as emjaybee, points out. What have Democrats done for mothers? Nothing. Sorry, folks, they ain’t doing much. There is no serious commitment by either party to extend parental leave policies, nor is either party putting forward policies to offer SAHM social security credits or tax credits. You get tax credits if you put your kid in childcare, but not if you raise them yourself.
Families that choose traditional arrangements or just fall into them, rightly or wrongly, vote Republican. Perhaps the Democrats need to bring them back in.
Should we give a crap what the wives of candidates have to say? But maybe that should be a different post.
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Funny, I understood the comment as a slam on Laura’s “job” as First Lady and her career as political wife, not as a critique of mothering. I was not under the impression that a) she was a stay at home mom with no help or b) that she was particularly good at raising her children and thus deserved praise (or even credit) for it.
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I wrote about this very thing myself this morning. Neither party has done much for women. Have you read The Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittendon. An amazing book. It has been true for centuries that mothers who stay at home help keep the economy humming along and help create intelligent citizens. They rarely get credit for this. I’m a work out of the home mom myself only because I’m just not psychologically wired to stay at home. I’ve done it and it’s hard. I truly admire my friends that do it and do it well. I do think we should care what the candidates’ wives say. Are they mere decoration or do they seem to contribute to the conversation? Of course, some people want only the decoration (remember Hilary?) It probably won’t matter much in the end, but it has brought the issue of parenting to the front page, even if only temporarily.
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You know, it’s definitely a gaffe to suggest that parenting isn’t work. I completely agree that it’s incredibly hard work (one of the reasons I’m not doing it) and agree that both parties need to work on what they’re doing for women. But it doesn’t help matters much to suggest (as Lileks does) that women who aren’t doing it are just ignorant of their own lack of fulfillment.
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Why is it a gaffe to suggest that mothering isn’t work?
Republicans were so successful saying, via the welfare reform issue, that full-time mothering is not only not work but a disgrace and positively harmful to children, that Democrats took up the same position.
This should help Kerry!
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Hard work? Sure. Worthwhile? Of course. Happiness-promoting? Frequently. But is parenting a “job”? Can’t we say that having a job – something where you work outside the home, have a boss, spend a lot of time doing things for people you’re not biologically bound to, earn a paycheck – has a certain kind of value that you don’t get from parenting? Not “more” value, but a different kind? Is that allowed?
I think that Theresa might have just been saying that if you stay home and raise your kids, and take care of your house and husband, and that’s what you do your whole life, you have a different perspective on life than those who have jobs outside the home. If that’s what she wanted to say, I think she’s right.
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New Kid — I don’t think he meant to say that women who aren’t raising their kids aren’t fulfilled. His wife is a hotshit lawyer, while he’s raising their kid. I think he’s just reacting, and perhaps overreacting, to the idea that watching the kids is less worthy than working in an office.
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I really think people are misinterpreting her words (or at least interpreting them in the most negative way possible).
The entire hullabaloo hinges on the usage of the words “real job.”
Substitute “full time career” or “out of home job” or whatever you want and the “problem” goes away.
THK was just asked an awkward question and answered it rather awkwardly thats all.
I think it would be a stretch to say this proves that “She doesn’t like mommies” or anything of that sort.
After all she is a married mother of 3 sons and she has not pursued a professional career for most of her life.
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In response to the reporter’s question, Theresa was contrasting her experiences with Laura. She was not only saying that their experiences were different, but that Theresa’s were better.
Theresa worked as the head of her foundation. She’s a philanthropist.
When I grow up, I want to be a philanthropist, too. I would like to get me some plaques in parks and shit.
As much as I was annoyed by this throw away line, it won’t affect my vote. It’s no surprise to see some condescension towards mothers within some groups, and I’ve got some other fish to fry in this election.
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Right, it was dismissive and insulting. What is interesting to me is that a) most people I know hold roughly this view if you scratch the surface and b) most people in Washington, even the self-styled family values types, hold it too — you wouldn’t catch them making the kids dinner or missing a meeting to pick them up from daycare. They have nannies or wivesto do this for them. Women, like THK, are much more vulnerable to being caught expressing such contempt because a) they’re much more likely to be aked the pertinent questions and b) they’re less well-trained to avoid making such comments, because they don’t have wives who will bug them about their own hycpocrisy.
THK and JK belong to a super-rich elite. If we have to support them we will. But its good to be reminded from time to time that they are really part of the enemy. It’ll be especialy important to remember that on Nov 3rd if he wins.
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The two women have actually very similar life paths: education/work, marriage/family, and then unpaid work in the public sector. The difference between the two is that THK had a much more glamorous job, and married a much richer man. Given the similarities and key differences between their resumes, I tend to think that THK WAS dismissing LB’s teaching and library jobs as not being real work–after all, that’s what she first apologized for saying. I don’t think she was dissing SAHMS, because she was one herself for so many years.
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It also represents an interesting class issue. THK is a very very very wealthy woman whose work experience involves managing money she didn’t earn or make. There’s nothing wrong with that because her foundation does good works, but it is rather unseemly to be turning your nose up at Laura Bush–who also married well–when you have little to show from your own endeavors.
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Republicans don’t judge? Hmmm. They may not judge – I can’t say – they just take your rights away: right to choose, right to decent affordable healthcare, right to decent public schools, right to a lawyer if you happen to be detained and are middle-eastern…
Women who vote republican because they’re annoyed by the prattle of some democratic feminists are only hurting themselves — and the rest of us.
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harry, you’re on to something. LB and THK never worked a day in their lives, not the way the rest of us work. that’s the key issue right there. neither one of them had just a nanny to assist with the kids. they both had a battery of household help, and sure as hell didn’t ever have to make a choice about whether to spend their limitted minutes cleaning the bathroom, waiting for the electrician to show up, packing their kids’ lunches, or going to a meeting. it’s all smoke and mirrors on both sides. neither one of tham has any tangible connection to what’s going on in the real world.
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It’s not THK’s age that makes her inclined to view parenting as not a real job, it’s her upbringing. Anyone who lived a life of boarding schools and nanny’s is going to incline in that way, because they were raised by people who were paid to raise them. Parents don’t get paid to raise their children. That attitude is also prevelent amongst people who are driven only by money. Which THK might also belong to.
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Wow…. amazing comments and thoughtfulness.
I agree with you Dee- while one might say the Dems havent’ done enough for women, the Repubs are taking rights away. I often hear that women vote Republican when they get married and have kids. But what happens when they are divorced or widowed? Right back to the Democrats.
Maybe we should all start voting not based on what is best for us personally at that point in our life, but what is best for the country and all of us together?
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