A Royal Mess: Diana’s Revenge, Part 8

This is Part 8 a series of posts on Harry and Meghan. (tag: Royal Mess) Here’s Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4 and Part 5 and Part 6, and Part 7.

We last discussed the Royals back in May. Oh so much has happened since then! Want the gossip?

Shortly after Harry returned to California, after the funeral for his grandfather, he and Meghan did some truth bombs, which mostly involved him bashing his father’s style of parenting. There was also a little subtle squabbling with William about his mom’s legacy. All that is discussed in Part 7 of this series.

Then things were mostly quiet for a couple of weeks, until Meghan released her children’s book, “The Bench.” I can’t imagine an object less interesting to a child than a wooden bench. Maybe “The Credenza” or “The Endtable.” All celebrity children’s books are inherently awful. Someone should stop those news people on the Today Show from writing children’s books — it’s painful. Meghan signed the book — Meghan, Duchess of Sussex — and you all know how I feel about Americans using royal titles.

The UK press savaged the book. The American press gave it a B-. The New York Times, said “The duchess formerly known as Meghan Markle brings a boatload of baggage to ‘The Bench’…” People Magazine which reprints celebrity press releases, said it was awesome. But, all in all, it was a win for Meghan who had a lot of press attention that week.

Then she had a kid like a week or two later. The proud parents announced her name, “Lilibeth Diana,” and for a few days, there was more positive press for Meghan and Harry. Babies are always a win, even if you don’t limp out of the hospital a day after giving birth to pose for photographs.

But then there was the name. It’s a little cringe-y to use the middle name Diana, when you already have the reputation of trying to co-op the Diana brand. The Lilibet part of the kid’s name very quickly became a matter controversy, because Lilibet was the Queen’s very private nickname only used by her dead husband and mother. The royal minions said that Meghan and Harry didn’t get permission to use the name before the birth. Harry said he informed the Queen of the name when they told her of the birth and that the Queen didn’t object. The royal people said that she couldn’t very well protest after the fact. Harry and Meghan threatened to sue the newspapers that reported the royal side of things.

And, yes, they trademarked the name and secured the domain names.

That died down, and then the royal people decided to let loose the A-Bomb — Meghan is a bully. There have been allegations for a very long time that Meghan did not get along with her assistants and helpers. A number of them quit. There were stories that she was up all night sending them e-mails. There was lots of yelling. There were even stories that she threw a teacup at an assistant during the disastrous trip to Australia. The chief of staff compiled a “dossier” with all the complaints against Meghan. When this information became public, the Queen employed an outside firm to investigate these stories.

The Bully stories have been around for a while. Her side even responded to them ages ago saying that these issues should be chalked up to differing cultural and professional expectations. Americans just talk differently than the Brits, her friends said.

But the return of the bully stories really pissed off the Sussex side. Meghan and Harry threatened that they would tell more “racist royals” stories, and the royal minions immediately backed down saying that a report would come out next year at some point. Or never. Who knows? The “racist royal” card is a powerful card with perhaps some truth behind it.

Next, the UK tabloids said that the Oprah interview may have been revenge by Harry for losing his military titles. Harry liked those gold tassels and medals on his red coat, and was rather ticked off about having to wear a plain suit at formal occasions. Even though he says he doesn’t care about those things. Harry may also have been upset about the fact that his dad wants to slim down the monarchy putting himself and his cousins out to pasture.

These stories probably came from the royal minions. Why would they provide these two “Oprah explainers?” Perhaps they want to give Harry an out should he want to renounce those statements down the road (after the divorce). Later on, Harry can say that he was too upset to think clearly through all the statements he made with Oprah. Or maybe, they want to portray the prince as volatile, unreliable, petty, and, untruthful. The second motivation is probably more the case, since they also released documentations to undermine Harry’s claim that his dad cut him off financially.

A couple of days later, with all quiet on the Sussex front, a biographer, Robert Lacey released two new chapters for a new edition on his book on the brothers. William clearly gave the green light to their metal friends to spill the beans. They said that the brothers were super angry with each other, resulting in William throwing Harry out of their joint offices. The cause was that staff told him that Meghan was a big meany, even before the Australian tour.

Lacey also said that William and Kate were suspicious of Meghan from the start. They thought she had an alternative agenda. Queen and country wasn’t as important as her own celebrity status. His friends say that Meghan was “500 percent a nightmare”, and that William called her “that bloody woman” after the funeral. Will and Kate are still furious, but others are hinting that there may be a chance at reconciliation, because Harry has regrets and is homesick for his old way of life.

Interestingly, those friends also said that Will and Kate might have used some “sharp elbows” to put Meghan and Harry in their place. Meghan and Harry used social media much better than the old guard did, and there were some jealousies. After Megexit, Will and Kate snapped up Harry and Meghan’s social media people, who started making some really lovely Instagram pages and soft focus family videos for them. I do enjoy the royal’s new Instagram pages. Meghan and Harry’s Instagram page and websites remain dormant, but not deleted, like missiles in the ground aimed at Buckingham Palace should the detente unravel.

There’s some low key buzz about Meghan not playing well with her California friends either. There are also rumors that she’s interested in replicating the success of Jessica Alba’s Honest baby project company which made her a billionaire.

Meanwhile, we’re getting lots of pictures of Kate and family out and about. I really do like this Zara jacket.

Meanwhile, Harry is back in England without Meghan for the unveiling of a statue for Princess Diana. Di was not exactly a Rhodes Scholar or even terribly stable, but she was probably a nice lady, so a statue is perfectly okay. Harry and William spent a long time planning it out together, but they will grit their teeth through tomorrow’s statue unveiling. In order to keep the event as drama-free as possible, Kate and Charles are staying home. I believe that Diana would be slightly amused, and equally dismayed, that her two sons were causing such International havoc, just as she and Charles did so many years ago. The dignity and illusion of the monarchy is no match for hubris, vanity, passion, and imperfect humanity.

Who’s going to watch that tense event with amusement? Me, that’s who.