In the article, "Raising Successful Children," Madeline Levine writes that to raise successful children, we have to let them fail. " … the optimal parent is one who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects her child’s autonomy." You have to find that sweet spot between overparenting and permissive. A tricky balancing act, indeed. 

Our latest struggle with keeping ourselves from overparenting is The Middle School Social Fishbowl. 

My sister and I took our kids to the town swim club earlier this week. Our 13 year old kids ran over to the diving board and stumbled across the "cool" kids. They froze. Should they say hello or should they ignore the "cool" kid to avoid getting the cold shoulder? 

My sister and I tried to give our kids advice. We told them to say hello and be friendly. Maybe the cool kid wanted to be friends with them, but was shy. Our kids listened, but didn't believe us.

Jonah and I have had this conversation many times. We have a neighbor boy who completely ignores Jonah and the other boys at the bus stop. He's on the lacrosse team, and he doesn't talk to non-lacrosse kids. I have given Jonah countless lectures on dealing with the neighbor kid, but nothing sinks in. So, I have given up. He'll take his lumps and somehow survive like all of us did. There's really no way to cram in middle aged confidence in a teenage body. 

What makes the cool kids cool? Sometimes it is athletic talent, like the neighborhood kid. Sometimes it's height and advanced bodies. But sometimes it is something else — arrogance, an authoritarian personality, or a well-established social group. It's power and politics and I'm fascinated by it.