As I was doing “laps” on the treadmill this morning, Jennifer Love Hewitt came on “Ellen” to give the dirt on the Bachelor and American Idol. Love was very upset that the Bachelor hurt Moana so badly. Man, that girl got slammed. She thought she was going home with Mr. Cheekbones. After she spent the afternoon picking out rings, turns out little Miss Goody-goody got it. But Miss Goody-goody got gypped, too. Love was very annoyed that Mr. Cheekbones gave her a ring on a chain. Cheesy City. Love speaks the truth.

And then I decided to LIVE BLOG THE OSCARS. A blog event worth putting in bold. Have I seen any of the movies up for awards? Nope. Not one. See, Steve and I have decided that with our two evenings of babysitting time a month, we would rather use it drinking pints of Bass in smoky Jersey bars, rather than spending it in a darkened movie theater. Yeah, we’ve got to use our time wisely. We usually catch everything when it comes to Pay Per View, so when those cable rerun awards come around we’ll be ready.

I really don’t think that the fact that I haven’t seen the films should detract from my commentary. We can still talk about the clothes and face lifts. I hope they pull out Meg Ryan, because I want to see the latest atrocity on her face.

Of course, the number one reason to watch the Oscars on Sunday is to support my lover, Jon Stewart. Kisses, sweetie.