Before I got derailed talking about webcams in the classroom, we were talking about equity in marriage after children. How do you make sure that you don’t stuck with the lion share of thankless drudgery after the kids come around?

Some say the solution is to work full time, that way the guy is forced to pick up his dry cleaning himself, and other tasks are outsourced to nannies and maids. You have to making serious cash to afford all that help. Most women have their kids in daycare and still have to do the cleaning themselves. Even with nannies or daycare, there is still much shuffling that has to be done. Many of the full time paid labor moms still do a majority of the work at home. They race around all weekend taking the kids to soccer, arranging the parties, buying the clothes. Remember Arlie Hochschild’s book, The Second Shift, was about women who worked full time who came home to the second job doing the childcare and housework? And the ones who make less money then their husband might as well not even have a job, since their job is considered expendable. A full time job is no guarantee to equity.

Many women stay home with the kids full or part time for a variety of reasons — the expense of childcare combined with a low paying profession, a strong vocation to be with children, boring paid work, the lack of job flexibility, whatever. How do you prevent becoming the doormat if you stay home with the kids?

I guess there’s no one right path. These are just some suggestions that I’ve accumulated.

UPDATE: Thanks to Pajamas Media and to Blogher for the links (Thanks Allison and Mary!). Nice commentary at Blogher.

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