The French are back! The French are back!

Yes, it seems to be safe to eat bagettes and brie again. Lucky for the French, we Americans forget things quickly, simple minded folks that we are.

A new book, French Women Don’t Get Fat, lectures American women on how to be more like French women. Be thin and stylish not lumpy bags of pomme de terres!

American women are fat and lack style. They eat large amounts of tasteless, bland foods in front of the TV. They don’t walk, though some abuse themselves at gyms. And mon Dieu, they wear scarves like Boy Scouts. Tant pis. C’est dommage.

French women are thin and stylish. They walk to the market and make meals into elaborate rituals rather than chow-fests at the all you can eat buffet. Instead of half a bag of Oreos, they nibble on delicate chocolate. They don’t need to diet, because of their walking regimen and sensible eating habits. Touche, Mon. Atkins.

Sounds good. Most women in New York City follow similar practices, and they are trimmer than the country at large.

But what the book (or at least the review in the Times) fails to mention is that most French women smoke like chimneys. Nothing takes the edge off of one’s appetite like a pack of unfiltered Camels.