I always get a pain in my stomach, when I read stories about how screwed we’re going to be when it gets time for retirement.

We have our own retirment plans.

1. Sell the house and move to a trailer park in a hurricane zone.

2. Start smoking filter-less cigarettes. Who wants to live to 90 anyway?

3. Perfect those recipes for cat-food casserole.

4. Make millions on Etsy, the lottery, and that prince from Nigeria.

5. Stop eating.