Jonah got punched in the eye by Dickie McDick last week on the school bus. After he stopped crying, I told him that if Dickie did it again to punch him back. Jonah’s eyes grew wide, and he was silent for a minute or two processing this very large bit of information. After a few minutes, he got a big smile on his face. Then he asked if was allowed to punch a kid who did something to him a couple of weeks ago. No, I said. The punch must happen immediately after the other kid hits you. Then we went through all the other rules of engagement. You can’t throw the first punch. You have to respond with equal force. For example, if the kid kicks you in the shin, you can’t break his nose. You can’t go around threatening to hit people.

I was making all this up, working from movies and Little Rascals episodes, because my parents were too hippy-love-child to condone violence. Also, I didn’t really need this talk as much as my brother did, because girls are too subtle and sophisticated to punch another girl. Girls are much more likely to spread a rumor that the other girl has a third nipple than to bother with a catfight. So, I was in unfamiliar territory as I laid down the rules for Jonah.

Did I do the wrong thing giving Jonah these rules? Is the best way to deal with a bully to just pound him into the ground when adults have their backs turned?