On Saturday, we were driving through town on the way to the diner. I flipped on 1010 WINS, the local news station, to get the weather for the day. A commercial came on for a skin cream, Hydroxitone. It began with a man’s testimonial about the product’s potency.

My wife used to have a face like an old paper bag. All wrinkled and nasty. Then she used Hydoxitone and she looks years younger. I can’t believe how beautiful she looks. I was going to trade her in for a trophy wife, but now I think I’ll keep her around for another year or two. Maybe longer if she gets her boobs done, too.

From the backseat of the car, Jonah pipes up. "Mom, you could use that stuff."

"Whaaaaa-AT?!!"

"Yeah, you look really old."

Steve wasn’t helping. "Son, you’re learning the first lesson of being a man. The right answer is always, ‘those pants make you look very skinny’."

"Out of the car. All of you."

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