Dropping Out Fantasies

~ Laura

So, that Hudson, New York article led to an hour of Internet research time wasting. I clicked on Matt’s links to the cool artisanal cheese farms. I researched how much we could get if we rented out our house. I looked at job opportunities at Etsy and found a website that estimated the salaries for those jobs.

Sometimes, I dream about dropping out of the rat-race in the New York area. It would be nice to move upstate, start a small business, and renovate a grand, old house. I want to hang out with hippies and townies in a local bar. Yes, I watched every episode of Northern Exposure.

Then Steve called to tell me that a co-worker at his last job was dropping out. He, like Steve, got caught up in the final purge of the investment banks last fall. He’s been working as a consultant and hates it. So, he’s selling his house and living on his sail boat with his wife and kids for a year. They are sailing to the Mediterranean. Steve was very, very jealous.

Published by Laura

28 thoughts on “Dropping Out Fantasies”

  2. I KNOW it’s such a ridiculous cliche, but life IS short. If you want to make some changes, and if you can do it, then do it. It doesn’t have to be as dramatic as sailing around the world. Or maybe it will be.

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    1. If you don’t want to use the life is short idea, consider that if you are in your 40s and work until 70 that is approximately 25 years. Do you really want to spend that long doing something you hate? Will you be physically able to make the change if you wait 10 or 15 years? if not, do it now.

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      1. Yes to this and also Amy’s thought about trying it out first. Where you may want to holiday might not be where you could live day to day.

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      2. Sandra,

        I was on a forum elsewhere where a 50ish woman was talking about how she and her husband had moved to an idyllic island community off the BC mainland…and now she hates it.

        I’ve heard that over and over again with regard to places like Montana, Wyoming, Maine, etc. People move to those places because they’re so beautiful, and then discover that scenery is not enough. Unless you’re a total loner, you need the human element, too. And even when the human element is there, the climate may be totally unsuitable–not everybody can hack living through an entire Pacific NW winter, all 10 months of it.

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      4. Sandra,

        One of my in-laws is a major workaholic. Some years ago, he was saying that his goal was to save up and retire by 40. Now, had he followed through on that, he would have been totally miserable, as this is a guy who lives to work. But at the time, he didn’t know that about himself. Anybody who’d been around him 15 minutes would have known it, but he somehow didn’t.

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  3. In 11 or 12 years, both of your kids will be out of college.

    I would definitely suggest putting a toe into the water, though, before going all-in. A lot of people move to “dream” locations and find that they don’t really enjoy living there year-round.

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  4. I couldn’t bear to live anywhere that didn’t have lots of libraries, big bookstores, high-quality preaching, lots of sporting events, and excellent live music. (This list is sort of in order of importance.) So only a big city (and only two or three of those, really) would work for me.

    Anyway, wherever you go, there you are.

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    1. That’s what I’m missing being on the west coast – museums, galleries, live music, libraries, etc. We’re here for the duration (my daughter’s in an excellent school) and we’ll rely on travel out east a few times a year.

      High school done? We’re back east.

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      2. Also, it can be great to have your passion (not just a hobby) be your work, but I found that incompatible with having more than one passion (and children are such).

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  7. Take in a viewing of Lost in America, a rare movie that gets more relevant as you get older, and call me in the morning. (And don’t tell me that you or anyone else on this board has not seen it.)

    It might be a nice fantasy, but dropping out is not a viable idea.

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  8. Oh, nobody is miserable here. Just bored on this dreary January day. I’m looking out the window at the frozen yard, and I’m itchy to get out there and grow things. It would be nice to live in a part of the country that was affordable so I could flip houses or open a coffee shop — two of my favorite fantasies. It would be nice to have Steve work normal hours and not have a killer commute. It would be nice to get away from that go-go-go, win-win-win mentality around here.

    But I have a yard to grow things and can still get to a museum whenever I want. My parents, my bro, and my sis and all their kiddies live 15 minutes from my house. The kids are in a good school, which pays for Ian’s services. We’re not moving any time soon.

    Sailing a boat over the Atlantic in a storm? Totally scary!

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  9. Washington County NY, where the cheese farms I linked to are located, is kind of full of people moving there from more traditional lives. (There are a fair number of more old-style farmers, too, but many of the people who have moved there have bought land and farms from people who had more traditional farms that don’t really make enough money just selling cow’s milk to big producers anymore.) There are at least 3 more cheese makers that I know of, several people involved in “fibers” (mostly llama, but also rabbit, etc., I think), an artist/hippy commune/retreat (where the “harvest festival” takes place each year), several bed-and-breakfasts, people making fancy maple syrup, etc. It’s a fun place. (There are even some bands and book shops.) But, it can be pretty hard work. I’m friendly w/ the woman who runs the 3-cornor field sheep cheese farm, and she’s incredibly hard working. (She’s generally a very admirable woman.) I met her at the Union Square Farmer’s market in NY City, where she sells her cheese and meat 2 days a week, meaning she has to leave the farm by 4am at least for the drive. But, her cheese is excellent, her farm lovely, and she seems to enjoy it, despite it being very hard work.

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      1. Yes- I think you can “pluck” them for the fur that can be mixed in w/ wool and the like for gloves, socks, etc. (Possum is used for this, I found out recently, in lots of fancy things from New Zealand.)

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  10. Have you read “Your Money or Your Life” or Mr. Money Moustache? Cutting expenses to the bone so you can drop out comfortably is a real option!

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    1. I’ve read YMOYL (at least a revised newer version) and I personally did not find its vision very appealing–a little too ascetic for me. I know a lot of people like it, though.

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  11. And there are many options between where each of us are now and dropping out. Sometimes imagining the most extreme scenario is a good way to scare yourself out of making any changes. (“Go live on a commune? Sail around the world? Build houses in the Congo?). It could be as simple as fine tuning what we have.

    The main thing is being honest about what you value, what you want your life to look like and what resources you have to get most of what you want.

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