Taking care of the kids, while trying to maintain a blog and come up with the occasional freelance article, is always a challenge. I never have enough child care. Ian’s special ed activities always involve lots of driving. Jonah’s soccer schedule is never simple. But this past few weeks have been a blur. I haven’t had enough time to read the twitterfeed or the major articles of the week, nevermind writing my own stuff.
I have three articles half written in my brain that need to be spewed into a Word document. Pitch letters need to be written. They are all parenting articles, because the parenting responsibilities have been monumental lately. No chance to read up on the latest education or policy research.
I want to write a long rant about suburban sports. Jonah and his cousin were completely humiliated by their experiences trying out for the high school soccer team. Jonah will be haunted for years by the public weighing of the boys. He gained six pounds and two inches, since his last doctor’s check up in June, but he just wasn’t big enough for the team. For a kid who spends all of his freetime following European soccer leagues and playing FIFA soccer on the XBox, there will be a big void in his life this fall.
I forced him to go to the cross country team’s workout this morning. I think it will help him get over the disappointment. I think he’ll be good at it. But right now, he’s not in the mood to be flexible. I dropped off a depressed kid at the corner near the high school this morning. I never forced him to do an activity before. I hope that I’m not scarring him for life. (UPDATE: He LOVED it. Whew!)
Ian is having his first real camp experience this summer. It’s a camp just for kids on the autistic spectrum, so there’s lots of good people and support for him. They do typical camp stuff, like swimming and art and music. He’s in the car waiting for me to drive him every morning. However, the camp isn’t nearby. The camp is five hours long, and my mom and I spend 3-1/2 hours driving him back and forth every day.
So, between driving Jonah to soccer tryouts twice a day and the driving to Ian’s camp and a visit from the in-laws and an extended family (17 people!) party on Sunday, writing and blogging were unthinkable. I haven’t been able to even return phone calls from my BFFs.
This week should be slightly better, but I won’t get a solid block of writing time until school starts on September 9th. I am itchy to get back to work.
Apt. 11d 
There is a lot that is wrong with youth sports right now. An elementary school teacher I know confided in me that every instance of bullying she’s had to deal with has had its roots in the town’s travel soccer team. A lot of people I know refer to it as The [Town Name] Mafia. It seems to me that, particularly in a public school, if a child wants to play a sport, he or she should have the opportunity to do so. I’ve always encouraged my kids to play sports. But all the negatives, from the culture of exclusion, to the overly invested parents, and the excessive commitments that eat into schoolwork and family time, it’s become harder and harder to support. As a culture, we seem to have lost all perspective. It was a happy day when both our kids found a passion for less traditional sports that, while rigorous and competitive, do not fall under the umbrella of the local schools. I guess we’ve kind of “opted out” and I feel really grateful for it.
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We had a sports heavy weekend. The kids coach strikes an effective balance and seems to get the girls, which I admire. On the other hand, we also so one dad escorted out of a game while being told “she’s just a girl” (some kind of at least verbal confrontation had broken out). And another coach had a very long argument about earrings (and tape).
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Oh yay on the update. It is especially heartening when you force them to do something and they love it! That happens more frequently in our household than yours.
Could be the track and field will end up being his outlet. One great thing about individual sports (especially timed ones) is that the clock doesn’t lie. J gets judged on his time and not some particular coaches evaluation of his weight, skills, agility, . . . . (all those things the coaches think lets them predict how good a player someone will be).
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I’m huge fan of track and cross-country for just those reasons. It also has a long tradition of positive support for fellow teammates. One of Jonah’s soccer competitors told me that he was disappointed when another kid got his medical paperwork in order, because it stiffened the competition for a spot on the team. That NEVER happens on cross country. In fact, you always cheer for the guy in last place who keeps going even though he’s losing, because he’s showing heart.
When I picked up Jonah from the field, he tried to look depressed for about 30 seconds in the car, because parents aren’t allowed to ever be right. But he could only keep the depressed face going for 30 seconds and then he started gushing about how nice the coach was and how easy the run was and all the friends who showed up for practice. I took him for an Egg McMuffin and he’s practically purring in the other room right now.
I would like Jonah to learn about the joys of running, because that’s something he can take with him forever. My dad is in his late 70s and he still runs every day.
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Yay for that!
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Cross country is also great because it’s a lifelong sport. So many young men end up trading playing team sports in high school for watching team sports during college and beyond. It’s a nice way to get out of shape and unhealthy real quick.
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This paean to cross-country reminds me of Sue Heck from The Middle. 🙂
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This summer has ended up being a write off for creative work (writing and photography) for a variety of reasons, some planned and some not (my MIL passed away about 6 weeks ago).
But we spent lots of time together as a family which was wonderful.
I DO stress about it at times – compare myself and my output to others who have more time. But that’s such a fruitless exercise and it creates even more stress. All I can do is what I can do.
On the sports side of things, we should find out in the next week or two which soccer team the girl has been allocated to for the next season. Hoping it’s the same coaches as last year – two dads who were amazing in demanding a high level of performance but in a respectful and fun way. They were great with the girls no matter their ability.
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I hope one of your articles is about parenting in the age of social media with teens. (I sent your blog post to many of my friends…) Our policies are much in line with yours, but we find so many parents don’t monitor internet use at all. There was a funny interview in the NYTimes a few months back with Jenna Marbles – when told that most of her YouTube audience was 13, she responded “who the hell are these parents letting 13 year olds watch my show?” I think most parents just don’t have time to keep up with it all….
As for the soccer – huge bummer. Is there a club team he can play with instead? I believe that our high school has a spot for everyone who wants to play (not all varsity – but they have JV, freshman, etc.) Do they just not offer soccer to the people who don’t make the team? That seems very mean and counterproductive. But everyone I know on Cross Country loves it….so that’s something….
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Jonah is actually really, really good at soccer. He’s been playing almost five times a week since he’s been five years old, but there are more kids who are really, really, really good and have trained twice as much as Jonah. We’re talking thousands of dollars in camps, enrichment, and private coaches. Whatever. I’ve been asking around for clubs or non-competitive leagues but haven’t found one yet.
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I’m glad that Jonah had a great experience with the cross-country team. I’m also happy to hear that Ian’s camp is fulfilling but, oh, what a pain it is to be driving for almost as many hours as the camp provides.
We’re mourning the loss of Autistic Youngest’s camp options two years back when they decided to offer the city special needs camp only to children with multiple serious disabilities (autism and seizures aren’t enough!). We were advised to integrate her into a conventional camp with maybe an aide that we could provide – hardly a great solution for a kid who’s of an age with many junior camp counsellors, not to even engage with the idea of that financial outlay involved. . . .
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