Ian's disabilities became obvious when he was about 2-1/2. He'll be 11 next month, so a little math here… I've been trying to find the right place for Ian both academically and socially for nearly nine years. And I'm a little burned out.
His perky new teacher who is straight out of college tells me that I should be reviewing Ian's homework with him every evening, instead of letting him work independently. (Can I tell you how much fun it is to get a parenting lecture from a 21-year old?) Uh, yeah, no. Instead, I'm researching appropriate summer camps and after school activities.
It's not easy to find the right programs for Ian. It's hard to find any activities that are geared to special ed kids. Often it involves a lot of driving and networking and phone calls. The fact that Ian is cognitively strong, but has a language disability, makes it even trickier.
It's hard to find the right activities that are geared to his specific type of disability. Some programs are aimed at kids who are extremely disabled and are much older. A few years ago, I enrolled Ian in an excercise program, and those huge kids – babies with the bodies of adults – were a little scary for Ian. One kid pinched him and he cried. Ian doesn't want to deal with kids who aren't cognitively at his level. Other programs are aimed at kids who have ADHD, who fly around the room, and the adults don't know how to talk to someone with a language disorder. Even among disabled kids, Ian is very unusual.
My desk is covered with applications and brochures right now. Time to make the donuts.
Apt. 11d 
I was discussing tutoring with my parents this morning — in other countries, it is much more common to hire an individual “tutor” for a child, to help them, for example, with homework. Partly because that labor is less expense, but also because many other cultures have always seen other people being involved in the intimate raising of their children (i.e. mothers, sisters, aunts, random other people in the neighborhood, as in “it takes a village).
In the scenario you’re describing, would hiring someone who would design the appropriate set of activities, and then to find others who need that be a way to work around the issue of generic programs not being an appropriate fit?
I have a friend, for example, who runs a “science camp” for her kid and his friends over the summer (she doesn’t charge, so it’s not an exact parallel). But, she comes up with cool activities based on her knowledge of the kids.
(I hope this doesn’t count as a lecture; and yes, there’s nothing more annoying then getting parent lectures from childless 21 year olds).
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(Can I tell you how much fun it is to get a parenting lecture from a 21-year old?)
You don’t need to tell me. [deleted various horror stories]
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Autistic Youngest is 16 and is both too old and not disabled enough to do any camps, here. So we try to set up two outings each week along with daily trips to the park that she enjoys. It’s still so much work to parent her, unlike most other sixteen-year-olds.
Others talk about the looming empty nest. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I am always panicked by the next childcare/transport/support crisis and I don’t see that we’re having an empty house any time soon!
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Our C does fine in academic and artsy crafty extracurriculars and enjoys her therapeutic horse riding, but it is difficult to place her in anything physical. Her coordination, stamina and attention are poor enough to have her invited not to participate in the 1st grade spring ballet performance (I had already bought the $65 costume) or the school’s 4th grade basketball team. We were also offered the option of not doing either the mandatory school sports or choir performances after one particularly unfortunate episode at a spring concert in 4th grade (I didn’t get to see it myself, but the music teacher seems to have been permanently traumatized). C graduated from physical therapy in 2nd grade, but she’s not “really” disabled and yet she’s not quite up to a lot of normal team sports. I think she’s been somewhat successful on her school’s volleyball team, but it helps a lot that volleyball is a relatively static game (at least compared to basketball). She’s done therapeutic horse riding for several years now and it’s helped a lot with her posture and balance (she used to fall out of chairs and walk into walls). One of the therapeutic riding trainers was praising her progress recently and even suggesting dressage for the future (she’s currently assigned a retired dressage horse, which is really cool). I occasionally feel bad about wasting these nice people’s time at the horse ranch when C isn’t “really” disabled and looks and acts pretty normal much of the time, but then I think about how poorly she does in normal sports, and I feel less bad about it.
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C’s trouble with team sports is one of the reasons that I dislike hearing about how team sports are the end all be all for kids’ (especially girls’) development. If the kid is good or OK at sports, sports are great. If the child struggles with sports, it’s hell.
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