Housework and the Healthy Marriage

~ Laura

Lawnmower-duiFrom the Daily News:

A new study of married couples reveals that women are more aroused by the sight of her husband mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, or fixing a flat than performing so-called “woman’s work.”

From Sociological Images:

Most couples would prefer to have an egalitarian split of household chores, but if that becomes impossible, then men and women have different ideas about what the next best solution would be. 

Men’s most common fallback position is to establish a neotraditional division of labor: 70% hope to convince their wives to de-prioritize their careers and focus on homemaking and raising children.  Women?  Faced with a husband who wants them to be a housewife or work part-time, almost three-quarters of women say they would choose divorce and raise their kids alone. 

Apt. 11D activity – reconcile these two studies, please. 

Published by Laura

7 thoughts on “Housework and the Healthy Marriage”

  1. Well, one way to reconcile them would be a richer, more subtle kind of qualitative social science. If you’re asking people questions intended to reduce the messy relationship between conscious and unconscious thinking, action and reaction, private life and public culture, long-term changes and short-term calculations, you will get reductive answers that are easily reported as sound-bites that confirm some bit of conventional wisdom. If you look at people in situ, the way an anthropologist or historian or journalist or novelist might, it’s not hard to see how any given woman could find it comforting to see a spouse fixing the plumbing while also contemplating divorce when that same spouse demands that dinner be on the table promptly at 6pm and that it not be meatloaf again. The emotional texture of any given day in real life is full of contradictions–and how those contradictions resolve out into actual social practices over time (or even *whether* they resolve out) is another matter entirely.
    None of which will stop the media from reporting on poorly designed social psychology research that’s primarily intended to serve as a momentary talking point for the chattering classes. It’s our version of phrenologists showing how the criminal classes have a particular shape to their heads.

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  2. My wife won’t make meatloaf or eat it if somebody else makes it. She has no problem with meatballs and I don’t really see the difference.

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  3. Sexual arousal and overall relationship satisfaction are different things. It seems perfectly consistent to me that women might find more masculine displays of male sexuality to be a greater turn on than more feminine ones and still want egalitarianism in the other aspects of their relationships.

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  4. I think the second survey implies that it’s an ultimatum on the part of the husband and that he’s a bit of an ogre.

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  5. The surveys used in this study were taken at a time when Dan Quayle attacked CBS for portraying Murphy Brown having a child out of wedlock, before Ellen even had a laff-track comedy show where her character could come out of the closet, etc. Using such data to infer anything about life today seems iffy. But “study shows retrograde gender roles lead to happniess” makes for a good headline, and also, hey, sex, so, let’s just run it.

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  6. A new study of married couples reveals that women are more aroused by the sight of her husband mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, or fixing a flat than performing so-called “woman’s work.”
    You’re overthinking this. Those are all activities that involve moving major muscle groups (translation: “flexing”, sweating). Standard housework doesn’t require that sort of exertion. Yes, it is more arousing to look at a man whose muscles are flexed and who is glistening with sweat. Duh!
    But hey…isn’t there another study somewhere that shows that men who do an equal share of housework are more likely to get laid?

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  7. Aroused? Really?
    Grateful, sure. But no, sorry, even though I think he’s sexy and wonderful, trash-taking-out hasn’t ever revved my motor. He likes me, too, but I’m not sure the sight of me barefoot and cooking in the kitchen does it for him, either.
    When things are running smoothly because we each feel the other is living up to his/her part of the bargain, sex is better than when one (or both!) is feeling taken for granted and/or put-upon. If folks do a traditional split, I suppose it’s less complicated to get those expectations in alignment. But non-traditional works fine so long as people are clear about expectations and ok with them and good about meeting them.
    Sorry, gotta go, wanna let him know I’m putting on my toilet-cleaning outfit!

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