When my in-laws were visiting last week, the conversation turned to the Newtown tragedy. My father-in-law was concerned that the massacre would lead to an autism backlash. I had shared his concern at the time and was very relieved that the ignorant comments about autistic people were quickly squashed by very smart, rational people. My father-in-law wondered whether public individuals with autistic tendencies had an obligation to the public to tell the world that they are autistic.
Should Bill Gates go on national TV and tell the world that he has autism?
I said not. I think that people have a right to privacy. Not every gay public figure should have to announce their gayness to the world. If you want to, fine. If not, that's fine, too.
Andrew Sullivan doesn't appreciate Jody Foster's reticence about her sexuality.
I disagree. Our differences don't define us. By putting a label on our foreheads – autistic, gay, poor – it simplifies a complex personality. I can understand why people want to avoid these simplifications.
Apt. 11d 
Wow- I was so surprised at the negative reactions to Jodie’s speech. I think it was complex, and she acknowledged all the things she needed/wanted to (e.g. her ex partner and best friend) but also maintained her privacy. I just don’t think who we love or how we love, defines us. I never had to make a declaration that I like males, so don’t think anyone else should have to do so if they happen to like females.
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I think the world is a better place when people who are different from the norms do not hide their differences. Many people with differences have no choice about hiding their differences and thus I am less sympathetic about folks who do have this choice. A visible difference has no choice but to go through his life with a label that allows people to simplify a complex personality.
That being said, I wouldn’t be willing to counsel a stranger or make anyone else’s decision for them.
(And, am personally, more troubled by the Foster/Gibson relationship).
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I thought her speech was obnoxious, not because I think she was obliged to come out but because she’s a rich, famous, attractive, powerful woman getting a lifetime achievement award – at 50! – and she used the time to make a big deal about the price of fame. (It’s also hard for me to have sympathy for anyone who’s friends with Mel Gibson, but that’s another issue.) The part about her mom was lovely, and she thanked her ex-partner nicely, but the rest of it was weird and self-indulgent. Other celebrities have managed to thank their same-sex partners in speeches for a decade or two.
I don’t think Bill Gates is obliged to come out as autistic, but it would be nice if he considered doing this as a service to the community, given all his other advantages.
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“I don’t think Bill Gates is obliged to come out as autistic.”
Not a big secret, is it? Ditto Jodie Foster.
I assume that Foster’s friendship with Mel Gibson probably has something to do with either struggles with mental illness or substance abuse (her own or maybe somebody she’s close to)–Gibson has a history of helping fellow addicts.
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An old roommate of mine moved to England after grad school. Did a PhD in chemistry, and went to an English company, and has had a nice career there – but could have done very nicely staying here. One of his big reasons was that he felt in England he could be primarily a chemist, gardener, etc., and not have people choosing ‘gay’ as the primary way they thought about him.
I don’t think anyone is required to out himself.
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Being out is safe for people with other forms of privilege, like white men. It’s more risky for people who don’t have that privilege, and it’s risky in ways that privileged white men probably can’t assess accurately.
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Another problem is that female sexuality isn’t quite as binary as male sexuality seems to be. The whole “coming out” terminology may not make any sense for a person who is 80% interested in women, but also attracted to the occasional guy.
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As someone who has been diagnosed with as well as self-defines with a mental illness that most people consider a plot device and which has a lot of arguing around it (DID/MPD)…no, people do not have an obligation to come out.
I’ve been quasi out of the closet for years – close friends and family know, I was out in one of my previous jobs and I have my tiny corner of the Internet.
When I had kids I admit I re-closetted, not just because I felt I should protect my kids from certain things while they are really young, as well as potentially torpedo every play date, but because…I don’t think my coming out ever really mattered to anyone but me and those involved with me on a really personal level. I do miss the days at work I didn’t have to explain certain things or not share what I did over the weekend in the same way. But those were bonus items, not the meat of it.
I know the narrative is that hey, you come out loud and proud and everyone around you has the opportunity to find out you’re great but gay/bi/trans/autistic/multiple/whatever and change their minds. The reality is minds are changed one person at a time for the most part and that can just be that one neighbour that’s turning into a friend.
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“I assume that Foster’s friendship with Mel Gibson probably has something to do with either struggles with mental illness or substance abuse (her own or maybe somebody she’s close to)–Gibson has a history of helping fellow addicts. ”
Since Gibson, Foster and Robert Downey, Jr. are all good friends, and since Foster and RDJ are both generally good people (I suspect RDJ has been behind the many blind items on CDN about the abuse women in Hollywood have to go through), I have assumed as well that the 3 of them are in the same AA group and have been supporting each other as recovering addicts. That would lead them to be a whole lot more forgiving of Gibson’s crap than I would be.
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I started thinking about this question again after posting my comment and came up with a better understanding of what I believe about the issue of “coming out” (i.e. exposing a hidden difference). It occurred to me that it’s like exposing any other hidden part of you. For example, if you have a big birthmark on your back, you’re not obligated to go around in backless dresses so that everyone with a birthmark will feel empowered. On the other hand, if you have a big birthmark on your face, and you spend hours each day trying to hide it so that people won’t see your difference, you may be doing both yourself and others in similar situations a disservice.
The thing about being gay is that it is a “difference” that used to be on a hidden part of your body/life but the changing world means that it doesn’t have to be any more (kind of like the transitions that occurred when it became acceptable to uncover ones ankles, and knees).
I still don’t think anyone can make this decision for anyone else, because one person’s ankles might another person’s nakedness.
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Here’s Claire Potter’s critique of Foster’s speech that I find pretty persuasive, in that it helped me articulate what I found so hard to accept in the first half of Foster’s speech. The rambling anger at public expectations and her framing of what “coming out” means in terms of “reality TV” seemed so dismissive. Did she have an obligation to come out? I wouldn’t say anyone needs to make the choice one way or the other. But she seemed awfully ignorant of a ton of privilege. And she’d already pretty-much-come-out-without-saying-lesbian-or-bi 5 years ago, so I don’t really get why, if she couldn’t get her lips around the word now, she made such a huge deal of it at the Globes.
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Hope you don’t mind my commenting with other links–I’ve been thinking about your post all day as I’ve been reading a few other things. EJ Graff also has a smart take on it, making the argument that no, everybody doesn’t need to come out, just *enough* of everybody in order to make a difference. And John Hinkley sure would be enough to make any of us fervently desire privacy.
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Maybe I should out myself as someone who is very different from most people, to wit, I have no interest in Jodie Foster’s sex life and have no interest in telling her how to live her life, sexually or otherwise. Why would anyone consider themselves entitled to deliver that sort of hectoring bossiness to another person?
(I also have no interest in Dick Cheney’s penis or Sarah Palin’s uterus, which obviously separates me from Andrew Sullivan.)
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Susan,
I totally forgot the John Hinckley thing. That would leave one with a lively sense of how dangerous it can be to be a public figure. Wikipedia mentions that she had a guy following her around Yale planning to shoot her.
There’s also the issue that Foster’s career as a leading lady is pretty much over at this point, Hollywood being Hollywood, and she may well regard it as being cheap and predictable to try to rekindle her career with personal revelations.
In happier news, Wikipedia says Foster is developing a Leni Riefenstahl bio pic. Squee!
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