Yesterday, I volunteered for my middle school student’s Field Day. When I wasn’t monitoring the relay race, I spied on my son. Who was he chumming around with? How was he behaving? When he came home, we talked about the day and I made some suggestions about choosing friends.
Joining me on the start line of the track were two women from the town. I found out that one also had a younger son with autism. We compared notes about schools and planned a playdate between our children. One of the women thought that this volunteer opportunity was so important that she rearranged her work schedule and worked until 2 in the morning in order to sit on the hot field with the other parents.
That experience gave me information about my son. When you have a teenager, any information that you get is useful, because they certainly don’t provide information willingly. It gave us fodder for discussion. I found a potential playmate for my younger son and compared notes about specialized autism schools. I met people who I normally would have never crossed paths with. They told me about their lives and their kids, which made me a smarter human being.
Volunteering does have its perks.
Apt. 11d 
Let me start by saying that I fully understand and appreciate the privilege and choice involved in not having to do full-time paid work. And Laura, you have summarized some of the benefits of being around. Face-time. Knowing the neighbours, knowing your kids’ friends and teachers and their friends’ parents.
Having that beer with the guy across the lane that you really don’t have much in common with – but you do it and get to know him and make some more community in your little ‘hood. Knowing the shop owners, at least by face. Making that idle chitchat.
All are those intangible benefits to having enough time in your day to take part in all sorts of local activities.
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What sort of suggestions about choosing friends are you giving? I can’t remember now if I ever received such, but I doubt I would have found it welcome. I suspect that positive encouragement about some person is better than trying to discourage some others as friends.
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I talked to one of the kids that Jonah sort of knows and encouraged him to set up a playmate. The kid seemed like a good fit for Jonah – 1/3 smart, 1/3 soccer, 1/3 computer geeky. He was friendly to me, and he seemed to get along well with other kids, too. There was definitely a group of kids who thought they were too cool for school and another group composed of misfits that walked around aimlessly by themselves. I was looking for a middle level of kid – friendly and not likely to start fires in our basement.
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Well, the advice I give is that you shouldn’t choose friends who treat you or others badly.
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Starting fires in basements is only a problem if they also hurt animals.
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I talk about the perks of volunteering with Amy all the time. I do like it, but on one level I know what I’m doing is building good will for E. I volunteer at the MS so I get to know the teachers and principal, and I’m crushed that the principal I spent the last 2 years getting to know is retiring this summer. But now I have a year to get to know the new principal. One of the things I’ve learned from years online is that on paper/in e-mail I can be strange and offputting. But when people meet me, they like me. Or feel sorry for me–not sure which. 🙂 so I get to know people in person even if it means I worked 30 hours on school stuff week before last.
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I volunteered a lot with my kid’s school. It helped me form friendships with other parents that are still strong 13 years later, with all our kids in college. It also gave me my first professional job, and introduced me to my current position. Volunteering was very, very good for me.
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