Last week , we replayed the family illness story. Someone germ-ridden kid coughs on my kid on a playground. My kid gets sick. I get sick a day later. Then we're all green and lose a week of life. It also involves several trips to the pediatrician for the kid and some urgent care clinic for me. It's a really boring tale and not worth even talking about. Except this bug was particularly nasty. Ian missed a week of school and needed two rounds of antibiotics. I think I need something stronger, too.
On our second visit to the pediatrician's office on Thursday, the doctor walked into the room and asked what was wrong. I explained that Ian had been sick for five days with a cough and sore throat. I couldn't bring down his fever and the antibiotics that we got on Monday weren't working. She didn't look up from her laptop as she typed in the information. She said, "you weren't here on Monday."
I said, "Um, yes, I was. In fact, we saw you." (It's a group practice.)
"No you weren't. It's not in the computer. You must be confused. You must have thought you were here, but you weren't."
"You gave us antibiotics. He took them."
"It's not in the computer. You must be wrong."
I started losing my temper at this point. "Are you crazy? I was here. If it's not in the computer, that's a problem. That's a big problem! But we were here. I bet that you're looking at the wrong [boys' last name]. I bet you're looking at his brother, Jonah. This is Ian."
"Oh, yes. Ooops. You're right."
Back when I was cute, I used to pretend to be dumb all the time in order to get things from men, but that was a long time ago. I haven't played that card in a long time. (And no, it wasn't very feminist of me, but it was effective.) In this case, I wasn't doing anything that would indicate that I was cognitively challenged, yet this doctor assumed I was stupid, instead of looking for another explanation for the computer mix-up. The doctor was a woman who was around my age.
Is this a story of medical incompetence or prejudice against mothers?
Apt. 11d 
I’ll choose the third option: overworked in cold/flu season.
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Wendy is likely right. I wonder if George Foreman’s wife didn’t learn to check the date of birth on every medical record. Anyway, hope everybody recovers.
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Let’s not forget the broad-spectrum misanthropy option. I’m feeling a twinge of it right now, in fact.
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and then there’s the “im a doctor so i can’t be wrong” option.
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She probably does deal with a lot of people who are confused and disorganized and screw up their medication use.
Maybe they should put a (periodically refreshed) rating for patient competence at the top of charts for easy reference.
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It works the other way, too. I’m just now getting used to the new medical order, where information about patient allergies and prescriptions is readily accessible, so I don’t have to nervously query doctors to make sure that all of my medications are compatible. The system automatically flags problems. It feels weird not having to ride herd on them, although a doctor will still occasionally suggest using something I’m allergic to, presumably because they aren’t yet in the habit of using their computer system before making recommendations.
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They’ll never all be in the habit. Continue nervously querying doctors whenever you feel that it might help.
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Funny when others see you through only one lens and especially when it’s a lens that isn’t that highly valued. That happens to me as well being a SAHM who also had a corporateland career with lots of graduate school. The elephant man version of the SAHM ensues as you try to convince them that somehow you are worth believing/being heard.
This is what it must be like (albeit a bland version) for highly educated immigrants who must resort to low level jobs. Not many would think that they have anything to say.
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I’m about to disagree with everyone on this board. You need a new doctor and fast. If she saw you and yours on Monday, and had no memory of said visit on Thursday, she’s a medical accident/malpractice suit waiting to happen. I get that she might be overworked in flu season but that can’t be your problem.
As for the feminist angle, I wouldn’t make too much of it. A lot of doctors have the bedside manner of gulag camp commander.
Feel better!
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My husband had a similar issue recently: we have these very attractive young doctors in LA who frankly, have a bit of a mean girl vibe around them. I’m totally exaggerating but really, I’ve never seen it anywhere else. He went to see one in an urgent care clinic for sports injury sustained Tuesday and she basically acted like he wasn’t manly enough to handle the pain and kind of laughed at him. And people wonder why men don’t go to the doctor! I have had a lot of great doctors here, but boy…you get the wrong one…
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I’m with helaine. Trusting the computer to the point that you don’t look at the patient is a bad sign.
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I’ve had doctors say similar things to me. I don’t think gender is the major variable here. I think it’s a combination of the professional affect taught to doctors (to always assume you are right and the patient or contact is wrong) and the effects of managed care (seeing too many patients too quickly driven by a tight computer-managed schedule).
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I still can’t believe that the doctor thought I was so addled that I imagined a doctor’s visit. Yes, I suppose it’s time for a new doctor.
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“You need a new doctor and fast. If she saw you and yours on Monday, and had no memory of said visit on Thursday, she’s a medical accident/malpractice suit waiting to happen.”
I don’t think I’d cut her off after one botch like that, but you have a point. The combination of “lack of memory” and “doesn’t listen to patient’s mom” is kind of a doozy for a doctor.
“Trusting the computer to the point that you don’t look at the patient is a bad sign.”
I had a funny example of that last year. I like our pediatrician, but at a double visit she looked at the weight numbers for our kids and was expressing concern that Kid #2 was heavy for his height. Now, the problem with this was that both kids were right in front of her, and Kid #1 has pretty low muscle tone and a little pudge. However, Kid #1 is technically OK on the chart weight-height (probably because of the low muscle tone). Kid #2, meanwhile, is solid muscle and has the build of a miniature Olympic gymnast. One of his favorite things to do is to do various maneuvers with the chin-up bar that my husband has installed in his doorway. So it was pretty funny when the pediatrician (with both kids right in front of her) expressed weight concerns about Kid #2, rather than Kid #1. If the doctor had so much as just felt their legs and arms, she never would have thought that.
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I know people who rely so much on their computers that they can’t do a thing without them. This sounds like one of those cases – the doctor didn’t realize she’d moved into the realm of absurdity as she reiterated her computer-mediated mistake.
Speaking up to stop the mistake before it goes further is important to do and something that peace-making women need to cultivate. I know this from personal experience!
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Did she really say, “You must have thought you were here but you weren’t.” Wow. How dumb would you have to be to think you had gotten ***antibiotics*** when you hadn’t been to the doctor.
I would hope that re-checking the COMPUTER would be the first step, not the last!
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