At Least It Isn’t Phillip Morris

~ Laura

Ian is, for the moment, obsessed with gas stations. Well, obsessed isn't quite the right word. He is delighted by gas stations.

We'll be driving down the highway and he'll excitedly say, "Look, Mom. It's Exxon! It has regular, plus, and V-Power!" He knows which gas stations have Duncan Donuts and which ones have Food Marts. One of them, I can't remember which, has a store for buying soda and cigarettes called "On the Run." Ian particularly likes that one. He can recite the names of about forty different gas stations. It's a gift.

Ian's joy over gas is infectious, and we've all sort of gotten in on the act. He's made up a little chant about gas stations, and Jonah will join in with gusto.

The other day, he saw a man walking down the street wearing an Exxon t-shirt and his eyes lit up. "Mom, that man had an Exxon t-shirt!"

I decided that I had to get Ian an Exxon t-shirt, because his head would explode with sheer happiness. I did a little googling, but I couldn't find anything appropriate. There were t-shirts with baby otters covered with oil and anti-Exxon messages on the back. There were t-shirts about drilling girlfriends rather than oil. Not quite right. See, my son is pro-fossil fuels.

I think I'm going to have to write a letter to Exxon to see if they'll sell me one of their t-shirts.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to purchase an Exxon t-shirt for my son (children's, size medium).

I feel obliged to say that I consistently vote for members of Congress that support the research for alternative energy sources. I support a moratorium on all off-shore drilling. I believe that burning fossil fuels is a major cause of greenhouse emissions and had led to global warming. My next car will be a hybrid.

However, my son is a huge fan of your company and would dearly love a t-shirt. I try to promote all of my children's interests, even those that degrade the environment.

Thanks so much.

Well, at least it's not Phillip Morris, right?

Published by Laura

13 thoughts on “At Least It Isn’t Phillip Morris”

  2. Would Hess products work? Maybe they only sell those around Christmas, and I don’t see many Hess stations these days anyway, so maybe not.

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  3. Phillip Morris briefly test marketed ‘Dave’s’ brand cigarets in the Seattle area. I bought a carton, gave several to my smoking friends, and still have a pack up on the top of my cube wall. There were beer bottle openers, but I lost the one I got. My loyalty is easily bought. Just saying.

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  4. You can still purchase the Hess oil tanker trucks. My brother had one when he was a child. Is Ian familiar with Wawas (7/11 meets gas station)? Pesto introduced to me to Wawas when we visited his family in PA.
    I applaud your efforts to foster his love fossil fuels despite your own disdain. That’s love : )

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  6. Yikes. How we compromise our values for our kids. I feel bad enough buying toy cars for my toddler (and am very pleased that he generally prefers his toy subways instead)–you can’t buy him a t-shirt with an Exxon logo!! (I say this in some amount of jest, although I have to say that I do also kind of feel squicky about it. Exxon is just so…corporate evil.)

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  7. I was around Ian’s age when that company’s name changed from Esso to Exxon, and I was utterly facsinated by it. Suddenly, the names on all these gas stations changed, but the trade dress (a term I am sure I used when I was 8) looked remarkably similar. Sometimes, we’d go on vacations to places where they had not yet hung up the new signs.

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  9. Unless you live in a self-sustaining cabin/farm in the woods, it’s pretty foolish to call Exxon evil. It’s a part of the oil/energy industry that we all rely on. It’s unlikely to be more evil than any other oil company (though I think it’s worth parsing hairs on that one). I’ve heard some reports suggesting that their Valdez experience actually means that they have better safety control measures than other big oil giants (though I haven’t done any fact checking).
    My personal squikiness starts with stories of corruption/exploitation in third world countries (like Nigeria) and the role oil companies play in it. But, usually, when I start doing the research, I find that I can’t differentiate among them.
    We own the entire Chevron car collection. I can’t say that it makes me happy. The collection used to bug me, and I’d occasionally say I wanted to avoid Chevron stations (after hearing some report or another), but ultimately the boy requesting the cars won out. It hasn’t particularly upset me, and they are cute cars.

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  10. The station that I drive by most frequently has had its air pump out of service for months. I’m thinking of dropping a dime on them (it is illegal), but for the moment I’m just refusing to patronize them. I don’t mind paying a dollar for air, but I’m very upset if it is not there.

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