Yesterday I walked down the hill to the faculty parking lot and dumped the books out of the tote bags and trudged back up the hill for another load. It turned out I had more crap in that office than I realized. It took four or five trips back and forth to clear everything out. Now my trunk is filled with a ton of loose books swimming around back there. Whenever I stop at a red light, I can hear them clunk to one side. I really need to empty the trunk out today.
In between cleaning out the office, I quickly skimmed my student evaluations. I didn't realize that the students knew that I wasn't coming back, because of the restrictions on non-tenure track professors. The evaluations were full of phrases like "best professor at X college" and "it's a travesty." Somehow that made me feel worse. Then I dropped off a recommendation at the career office and talked with a woman there about what to do with it. She looked surprised when she saw my name at the bottom of the letter. She said, "My son has been in two of your classes. You changed his life." That made me feel even worse.
However, I was incredibly relieved once that last bag of books was dumped. It has been a bitch to teach this semester, when I knew that I wasn't coming back and that if the job market stays this bleak, then it may be my last semester ever. It took too long to pull that band-aid off.
So, new chapter. I've got an APSA paper to do and I have to start book proposals. The porch needs to be repainted. The garage needs cleaning out. Maybe I'll paint that basement. I want to take the kids to the Transportation Museum this weekend and have friends over for beers. In the meantime, I think I'll read the blogs.
Apt. 11d 
Don’t feel too blue. Your post reminds me of when I was not hired for the spring semester at Boston U. (after I had taken on an extra section of comp in the fall as a “favor” to the director of the program and they had promised not to “forget” about me in the spring). I had to remind myself that I was adjuncting, and I could get another jog scraping gum off the sidewalks and that would be a lateral move. I got a job at a great bookstore and was pretty happy. Of course, it all worked out for me–next year I was hired year round, full-time, and the year after that I landed a t-t job. But if it hadn’t worked out, and at that point it hadn’t and it didn’t look like it would, I was prepared to embrace new worlds. Adjuncting can easily become a trap where you are teaching so much that you can’t do the scholarship necessary to advance to the next level, but it’s not like you’re making enough money for the job to really be worthwhile. It sounds like you are also prepared to start new things, so let yourself feel bad for a day or two and then start on that book!
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Good luck with your paper and book.
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At the end of the day (or the month, or the year), when the depression has passed, those kids will still have been your students. When they think back to their college years, they’ll think, “Oh, I had this great professor….” This is cool no matter what happens next.
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A trunkful of academic books is another thing which neighbours think is very strange. “You read all that? You own all that?”
Good luck with the book proposals and the ten million other chores. I wish there was better news on the job fronts. *sigh* My husband has been under-employed for so many years, it’s just more of the same as far as we’re concerned.
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I thought I’d given up on being on the faculty side of the academic equation 6 years ago when I became a staff member. And yet, I continued to teach and think about teaching. And while I don’t think I changed lives, I do know that I’ve affected students in positive ways, especially women who decide that technology might not be such a bad thing to pursue after all.
I’m giving independent consulting a shot, and it’s working out pretty good so far. My primary market is colleges and universities and it is nice to work with schools and faculty without the baggage attached to having to deal with the problem cases on a long-term basis. But I’m also wary of becoming completely bitter about the higher ed system as a whole, a system that I feel doesn’t value me in either my role as a teacher or staff person.
And this whole being a mom on top of all that . . . gah!
I’m looking forward to seeing how your new ventures go. I suspect very well. )
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I’m looking forward to hearing about the new endeavors (though, I’ll admit, secretly hoping for a move a voluntary move to Stockholm, or London, or Paris). Then, just like I heard about what it was like to live with children in New York City in Apartment 11D, and in suburban NYC in 11D, I’d get 11F? or something like that. But, in any case, I’ll be reading to see what comes next.
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Actually, London has been on the table for a while. It could happen. The only thing holding us back is Ian’s school. We’ll see how he does in the next year.
Thanks, guys, for the support. Hugs for the blogosphere.
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I didn’t realize it was your last semester. much success in the next endeavor.
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Laura, I wish you the best! Life sucks sometimes, but it has a funny way of throwing new opportunities at you when you least expect it. Sometimes you just have to “go for it” and see what happens!
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Completely off topic, but we did “A Day Out with Thomas” yesterday. I was impressed to see that Thomas was an actual steam engine, but it would have been more impressive if they didn’t have a diesel engine at the back to help. If I were a deeper thinker, I could probably make a point comparing that particular bit of ‘everyone is pretending this thing can actually work’ theater with the GM Lordstown plant we passed on the way there.
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If it were not for positive student comments I do not think it would really be worth teaching at all. After all I could make more money at least when broken down on an hourly level working at Starbucks. Praise from students really is the only currency of value that I receive from teaching.
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