Tim

~ Laura

When Steve's folks called early last December asking for suggestions for a Christmas gift, I said a GPS.

Now Steve doesn't really need a GPS. He has an excellent sense of direction and he loves studying his road maps. But Steve's folks like to give him gadgets as gifts and I figured a GPS was more practical than an electronic tie sorter.

After Christmas, Steve and his dad were in the kitchen setting it up.

"What kind of voice do you want? You can choose different types of voices," said Steve's dad geeking out over the instructions.

"I want a guy's voice," I said.

"OK. There are different types of guy's voice, too. Which one do you want? A Southern accent, a New York accent, a deep voice, an English accent…"

"The English accent. I want the dreamy English dude."

So, they programmed the GPS for the dreamy English accent, which was labeled as "Tim".

Since Christmas we really haven't needed the GPS. No big road trips or anything. Maybe there was one play date that we programmed in, but it was one town away and we could have figured it out on our own. Still, we've kept it on and have been playing with it. We'll plug in the directions to the supermarket, just to hear Tim say, "You will turn right in 100 yards" just because we like to hear him say "yaaaaards."

Lately, we've been messing with Tim. When he tells us to turn right, we turn left. When he tells us to go straight, we make a U turn. He's been very patient with us, but we want to see how far we can push him before he starts calling us "stupid gits."

All the while, I believe that my dear husband has been growing jealous of Tim's presence in our lives. Because last night, on the way back from "Family Fun Night" at Ian's school, Steve turned on the GPS and Tim was gone. He had been replaced by the French slut, "Catherine," who keeps telling us to turn a la droit.

I think I need to search around for a new accent. I think we need a Norwegian ski instructor named Sven.

Published by Laura

8 thoughts on “Tim”

  1. I had one of those in a rental car, but this was before they talked. I almost crashed like 8 times. But, I didn’t get lost in a largely unfamilar area.

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  2. There’s a scene from The Office where Michael the boss takes his GPS too literally.
    We got our GPS when we got our first car. It kept wanting us to cut across campus, which is physically impossible. It occasionally gives bad advice, but it’s fantastic in unfamiliar settings, like the nearby city where the various freeways and on-ramps loop around each other like a big plate of spaghetti.

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  3. If you want “Sven”, you a likely to get a Dane or a Swede. What you’re looking for is “Svein” 😛
    “Svein” is falling out of favour with our Norwegian friends, by the way. A quick check tells me that the top 3 for Norwegian gutter born in 2007 was 1. Mathias, 2. Jonas, 3. Markus.

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  5. We find the GPS invaluable in many instances, so much so that our 5 year old says “Use the GPS; Use the GPS!” if we say any words that seem like we’re not sure where we’re going.
    We like to listen to an Australian woman, which amuses us when WA gets translated as Western Australia. For a brief moment, we can imagine that we’re driving round Australia on “Highway No. One”.
    I am truly clueless about directions, so it’s useful for me. But, as MH says, crashing is a real problem, and more so if you’re clueless about directions.

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  7. I think I would love it if you could customize it with celebrity voices and nuances. Personally I think Henry Rollins or Julia Child would be my choices. Rollins for when I have to get to work events and Julia when we are driving to go on holiday. I think it would be great to get my son’s voice on there too though the thought of a 2 year old giving directions just makes me chuckle.

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