I just came back from the gym. I had to run off the afternoon donut with the kids. My rule at the gym is that as long as I’m doing 3.9 on the treadmill, I can watch any old trash on TV. Donuts for the brain. So, it’s the E! Channel and Entertainment Tonight for that 50 minutes.

I watched the Kardashians for 1/2 an hour. I don’t really get why these girls have their own TV show. They are rather stupid fashion victims. The leg wax truck must pull up to their house daily. Two weeks on an island and those girls would have unibrows, goatees, and hairy monkey legs. And I’m Italian, so I know about these things.

All the talk today was about Brad’s and Angelina’s $70 million dollar spread in France. How did those two get so rich? They must have more money than the gross nation product of one of their adopted kids’ countries. Angelina can buy plenty of tent dresses to hide the varicose veins from her pregnancy. Still, that house looks pretty sweet.

Amy Winehouse is disintegrating. Her hair is falling out and her stomach is bloated.

Our celebrities are a strange lot — baby collectors, semi-literates, exhibitionists, promiscuous, drug addicts, mentally unstable, pathetic, shallow. Without luck and proportional features, they would be living in double wides and working at Wal-Mart. Thanks to the gossip websites, we can have daily fixes of their foibles. We can tear them down and worship them at the same time. Too bad there can’t be a stupid tax, because these people have too much disposable income.

I would like to order a new batch of celebrities, please. People with talent, brains, and class. I demand role models. Where should I look?

(One funny gossip item. Matthew McConaughey’s brother, Rooster, named his kid Miller Lyte.)