Spitzer resigned this morning. Silda stood by his side again with bags under her eyes and her hands behind her back. As I watched the speech, my eyes were on her, more than him.
I’m fascinated by her reaction, mostly because I’m quite sure that I wouldn’t be so cool. I would react emotionally in a Donna Hanover style. It would be unbecoming and loud. Perhaps her decision to stand by her men was motivated by an interest in protecting the children. If that’s the case, then I admire her. I’m not sure that I would be so rational and cool.
Others have had their own spin on Silda. Hirshman sees it as a morality tale for opt-out moms.
I agree that staying at home is risky behavior (and so does Allison). I also think that staying at home is worth the risk for some women.
But in this particular case, Hirshman’s opting out lecture doesn’t work. Silda’s problem is the dissolution of her marriage and public humiliation, not poverty. Silda could have her pick of paid positions in politics or in law in a second. Paid employment would not shelter her from the public humiliation that she now faces.
My mom had still another take on events. She stopped by today with some chicken soup for my sore throat.
I asked her if she watched the speech. She said yes.
"How about Silda?", I said. She said, "women are stronger than men."
Dr. Manhattan says that political families have their own rules of behavior that forces them to keep up the public face at all times.
Apt. 11d 
There is a lot of territory between knowing something and being totally taken by surprise. She may have known he was unfaithful in the past, or suspected an affair without having proof. Or her feelings may have been more vague. If you’ve been living with a feeling of impending doom, but without knowing what is going to happen – or even if anything is going to happen; and you keep looking at your life rationally and thinking, “Needs a tweak here and there, but one the whole everything seems to be in order. Am I crazy?” finding the source of that nagging feeling can be an incredible relief, even if it is terrible, because at least now you can face it.
Yes, this may be projection on my part.
LikeLike
I assume they have a full household staff. She was, I assume, not doing his laundry, nor would it be unusual for him to have late night meetings. Their lives together may have been very predictable and had to have run to a schedule. If he also works out on a regular basis, I don’t agree that “she had to have known.” I believe great wealth, power, and a employees can do a heck of a lot to insulate married people from each other.
LikeLike
Does Hirshman really think that the divorced wives of high-profile men lose it all when their husbands prove unworthy, in this day and age? I’m sure Arianna Huffington is bemused.
[Do we really think that Mrs. Spitzer would have stayed at home forever? She had already started running a non-profit foundation, which is the traditional non-employed employment of wealthy/powerful women. Is Melinda Gates also a fool, for having given up her job at Microsoft to raise her children and run the Gates Foundation instead?]
LikeLike
Indeed, in the Spitzers’ social class, the divorce rate is far from the 50 percent we so often read about. However, the rate of divorce, prostitution, online pornography, and the rest isn’t negligible, either.
I am hard put to figure out what category fits all 3 of “divorce, prostitution, and online pornography,” and what other items might constitute “the rest.”
LikeLike
Silda’s problem is the dissolution of her marriage and public humiliation, not poverty.
Yeah, and Hirshman says as much in her article:
“Does anyone think that even as well-heeled a divorcée as Mrs. Spitzer would be the same force in philanthropic Upper East Side circles as the governor’s wife?”
LikeLike
But Sara, Hirshman’s point about philanthropic power highlights the flaw in her “main point.” Would being a high-paid lawyer do any MORE to improve Silda’s status on the Upper East Side than being well-heeled by virtue of her marriage?
Hirshman’s article is a rhetorical mess. The argument doesn’t hang together, it’s just a series of disconnected slams against Silva in service of Hirshman’s one hobby horse in the realm of public debate.
LikeLike
I read the Hirshman piece quickly yesterday and was really irritated – Jody articulated my incoherent reaction really well. Hirshman never explains how, exactly, giving up her career hurts Silda at this point. Last I heard, “opting out” does not preclude opting back in at some point (with the associated challenges, of course, but I suspect if Silda wanted a great corporate law gig she could find one ASAP).
LikeLike
Speaking of Hirshman, would one of you academics help me understand her bio? On the back cover of her book it says “Linda R. Hirshman retired from her position as the Allen/Berenson Distinguished Visiting Professor of Philosophy and Women’s Studies at Brandeis University.” Isn’t visiting professor a temporary position? If so, then “she retired from her position” as a visiting professor means that this was her last (and presumably short) gig. What was her main job? Was she a professor somewhere else? Or am I misunderstanding this whole business?
LikeLike
Margaret, there’s more on Hirshman at her site here. Also, poking around Brandeis’ website, it seems that what Hirshman had was an endowed chair, and they give those even to junior faculty.
LikeLike
You may or may not be aware of the ‘I’m a cad and I’m proud’ site, Roissy in DC. In this post: http://roissy.wordpress.com/2008/03/15/prostitutes-are-not-victims/
he says (along with a lot of other stuff) “In the meantime, Spitzer’s 50 year old wife can’t believe her husband would bang a girl almost the same age as his daughter:
Silda Wall Spitzer was deeply shaken that her disgraced hubby repeatedly slept with a hooker only a few years older than their eldest daughter, a family friend told The Post.
“It was the age” of 22-year-old Jersey girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre that really got to Silda, the friend said.”
There’s the old question, is it worse if your husband cheats on you with a man or a woman? The answer usually being, with a woman, because if it was with a man, it’s because he had some sort of need that just wasn’t in your repertoire to fill. In some ways it seems to me that an urge for generic young things has some of the same quality – this is some itch this guy has to scratch, not your fault. He’s a jerk, yes, but if the requirement is ‘be 25’ and you’re not, it’s not your problem. Whereas if there was an affair with some other fifty-something, maybe something in how you comported yourself is worth a look.
Roissy is interesting in general, a good example of something I want to try to raise my sons not to be.
LikeLike