It’s Catholic School week, so at church today some uniformed 8th grader proudly told us all the wonderful things about the parochial school and how she was going to go to this or that Catholic high school. Little Miss-Know-It-All went on for quite a while. When she was done, the congregation applauded. Without looking up from his Curious George book, Ian booed. Steve and I almost peed our pants.
I’ve written a lot of posts in the past couple of years about Ian’s trouble talking and our struggles with special education. Things have taken a new twist.
Last week, we took Ian to a neurologist to get input about his strengths and weakness and to get some guidance about what kind of school he should be placed in next year. His school seemed to be steering him towards a self-enclosed Kindergarten program, which is a classroom with only special needs kids. We rarely received any feedback from them on his performance and when we got evaluations, we felt that they were way off target.
I had mentioned taking Ian for an outside evaluation a year ago, and they hysterically told me to not do that. They said that neurologists don’t know anything.
I’ve had a huge learning curve dealing with Ian’s disabilities. Rule of Thumb #1 for Special Education — Always get evaluations and services from individuals who have no connections with the public school system. When the public school tells you to not do that, then run extra fast to get help. You don’t want them to control all the information.
The neurologist sized Ian up pretty quickly. She did a physical, gave him a reading test, had him run down the hallway, listened to his speech, watched him jump around. Ian’s in a grey area, she said. He could fit in a couple different disabilities. She also said that Ian was super smart. He’s reading at a first grade level. He should definitely not be held back from Kindergarten next year, and he shouldn’t be in special education. He needs an aide to help him in regular education for a year, but smart kids grow out of these problems quickly. He will have some minor issues that stay with him, but he’ll be able to blend. She also said that he probably should never have been put in special education.
At first, I was upset about the scary labels that we heard for the first time. Steve emphasized the words “mild” and “super smart” and convinced me that all things considered, this wasn’t so bad. Slowly, I moved from upset to cool to pissed off.
My kid was put in an environment that wasn’t right for him. For two years. Crap. I really screwed up. This was becoming obvious over the past two months. In addition to his morning special education program, he attends a daycare with regular kids for two afternoons a week. He has an aide to help him with social situations and with handwriting. He comes out of this low-cost, overcrowded, poorly-staffed daycare talking up a storm. He comes out of his morning special education program and he is in a daze.
All kids need to be stimulated and challenged. My kid wasn’t. He was in a room with 10 other kids who also have speech delays, plus a host of other problems. He wasn’t given the opportunity to socialize with kids who can talk a mile a minute and learn from them. He was underestimated and babied by a teacher with four aides. He received therapies that he didn’t need. We were told to keep him at home, to not push him to do things that were hard for him, to keep him isolated.
Am I mad? Oh, yeah. Boooooooo.
Apt. 11d 
There’s a Simpsons essay exactly like that, where Bart is put into special ed and goes comatose. Ian’s just lucky that he has y’all to make sure he’s in the optimal cowabunga environment — poor little sods who don’t. (BTW, your special-needs-kid adventures have been a real education for me. My sister-in-law who teaches Special Ed makes it sound all perfume and roses.)
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I’m glad you have some answers.
Medical specialist can be some of the best people in your toolbox. I L-o-v-e our audiologist.
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Don’t be so hard on yourself. Parenting in general (special needs or not) is a process, with many different “decision trees” along the way. Best of luck as you navigate the next steps.
Love the booing! Raising a rabble rouser, I see. š
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The image of Ian booing Miss Know-it-All made me smile. Thanks for the image!
And don’t kick yourself for your mistake. Now you know, and you can move forward. As Maddy said, it’s a process.
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I’m new enough to your blog that I didn’t realize you had a special needs child. So do I – but mine is 15 and his speech delay was much more severe at age three than Ian’s sounds. Very different situation, but even with his extreme difficulties, he’s a pretty normal teenager these days with obnoxious teenage music and obnoxious teenage friends and a little bit of extra help in school.
Your Rule #1 is probably the best first lesson any parent could learn. And it sounds like you have Rule #2 down, as well: Calling it a sped classroom doesn’t mean it’s remotely therapeutic.
Also? No parent of a sped kid ever did the right thing first off. Really.
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That’s the reason we fight to keep #2-Son in some Gen-Ed classes, whatever he and his shadows can handle. It’s down to Science, Social Studies, Spanish II, and P.E., and I’m afraid Spanish may go next year.
But when he was younger, the more time he spent in the special needs rooms, especially with the severely mentally disabled, the more of their stims and tics he would pick up — not because he “needed” them, but just because he’s naturally echolalic and a wonderful copycat. Then we’d have to ease hin out of them…
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Thanks, guys. Artemisia, I love hearing those stories. Ian’s speech is pretty bad, though he’s improving a little more every day. Sometimes, it’s pretty hard to imagine him blending.
When I picked him today, he was running late, so I went in and fished him out of the therapy room. Parents in the school is majorly against the rules, but… fuck it.. So, I met for the first time, Karen, who has been providing him with occupational therapy on Mondays. OT is supposed to be for fine motor skills and sensory awareness. They have the kids jump on trampolines to “equalize” their systems. They also get full body massages and brushing. Other than the practice holding a pencil, the whole business is a lot of crap. But I’ve gone along with it, because I figure that Ian might like a free massage once a day.
I ask Karen how he’s doing.
She says “he’s making real progress recognizing his letters.”
I say, ” What? He’s known his ABCs since he turned 2.”
She says, “Oh, well, I only see him once a week. There have been a lot of holidays on Mondays. I have been out a lot. And he has snack time at 11:00, so that uses up a lot of our time.”
I say, “Why don’t you reschedule your therapy?”
She says, “Oh, yeah.”
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Parents not allowed in the school??????????
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What deeni said. Seriously, no parents in the school? How are you supposed to know if they are doing anything effective?
Oh, yeah. You’re not.
Don’t get me started.
I linked to a blog I used to post on before I lost the password – there are a few State of the Son posts, if you want a few more stories. Gotta find that password….
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Booing an eighth grader in church is funny? I’ve had my issues with our Catholic school, even pulled my youngest out, saw lots of little Know-It-Alls. But there’s a difference between rabble-rousing and rude.
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“No parent of a sped kid ever did the right thing first off. Really.”
Truer words were never spoken.
And your story about the OT is one we heard infinite variations of when our son was in his first inadequate program.
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Copswife — Um, context — the kid’s only four and he just learned how to talk. Every word he says right now, especially rude things, makes us smile.
Yeah, parents aren’t allowed in the school. Sigh. Long standing problem. I wanted to let someone know that Ian’s therapist shouldn’t be treating him like he was a moron and really needed to helping him with his handwriting and not watching him snack for a half an hour, but I didn’t know how to do this without getting the poor, dumb therapist into a lot of trouble. They would have just yelled at her for talking to me, rather than being more organized and more efficient.
Thanks, artemisia. I’m looking forward to reading about your tales.
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I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while, so I am well aware of the “Um”, context. Decided to wait a few days and think about it. I probably presented it too abruptly in my comment, but I still believe what you encouraged by your amusement was rude behavior. Now that he knows it pleases you he’ll try it again.
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OK. Worry not. We laughed very discretely. And the little guy isn’t so good at picking up things like that. Actually, that blindness to social signals is part of his disability.
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Hi! I thought you and your readers might be interested in some post-Easter news about Pope Benedict XVI…
The Pope’s car is being auctioned off to raise money for Habitat for Humanity:
http://www.buyacarvideos.com/popecar.htm
The bidding is already more than $200,000! Personally, I think this is a really fun and creative way to raise
money. The auction goes until April 14th if you and your readers want to check it out.
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