The mute kid got tossed out of another program last week.
Two nervous teachers politely suggested that their daycare might not be a good fit for Ian. They actually didn’t have a problem with the fact that he was mute. That might have even been an asset. The problem was that he has weak muscle control in his hands, and he can’t work on worksheets independently. With 22 four year olds in a room all day, the teacher and her assistant must move the kids from worksheet to worksheet all day. They spent a lot of time coloring in the natural resources of the state of New Mexico. Ian can’t color on his own or grip a pencil. He really wants to play with the toys instead. There isn’t enough staff to tailor the work to meet his needs or to help him with pencil grip. If he gets up to play with the trains, all the children want to play with the toys. Mass rioting ensues. It’s just easier to boot out Ian.
I’m back to square one trying to figure out what to do with him when I start teaching in the spring. The program was more loosey-goosey over the summer, and he did fine then, so maybe I can find something like that. The programs that are geared for kids with disabilities are usually for kids with more intense problems than Ian’s. Then there’s the whole transportation problem; I’ll have to hire someone just to drive him from his pre-school program to the daycare. Maybe I should get a good babysitter who doesn’t mind driving him to tumbling classes. Ugh. It’s always so hard to track down those people.
I was upset by this last week, but I’m cool now. Every time this happens I learn a little more about what Ian can handle and what he can’t. I learned that I have to ask questions about worksheets and unstructured playtime. I’ll probably have to hire someone to help strengthen his hand muscles.
We’re a little overwhelmed around here. Two jobs, exercise, meals, birthday parties, religion class, soccer, speech therapy, family gatherings, fall clothes, dentists, IEPs, lawn mowing, open school night, planning board meetings, spelling tests, yellow belts, spring book order forms. And now, no help.
I often feel bad after writing whiny posts like this one. As more academics arrive here by googling my name, I feel like I shouldn’t discuss how things work behind the scenes. I should just make it look easy. But screw it. That isn’t fair to millions of other people who are also dead tired and multi-tasking seven days a week.
Apt. 11d 
Worksheets for preschoolers? Ugh. Look for some programs that really tout that they are a developmental or child centered program, there is a certification- I will find it and email you- that you can look for. My last three children have all gone to developmental preschools, and there was very little desk work. My eldest went to one that is similar to the one you are talking about. Yes, she read earliest out of all my kids, but that is it. And I am convinced my other kids got a more nurturing start.
This stuff is so hard sometimes. There is seldom an easy answer.
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I’m sorry, because it stinks having to scramble to find a good preschool.
I wouldn’t have liked the worksheets in any case, though. Seems like you could do a lot better in a play-to-learn environment, where the emphasis is always on play, with some craft time and lots of fine-motor games to build those hand muscles (NOT pencil exercises).
Good luck!
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Thanks. It actually never really occurred to me that a pre-school would do so many worksheets, so I never asked questions about it. I guess it’s hard to find the free play pre-school now, because parents are demanding so much academic stuff.
By the time I have this parenting thing worked out, the kids will be in college.
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I second the incredulity at the worksheets! That seems ridiculous for four year olds. My four year old seemed to spend most his day running manically around the outdoor play area, which was fine, last year.
But it’s so hard to find a good day care – the research time is not something you have spare, I imagine.
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My kids’ preschool was not into worksheets, but other friends had their kids in more academic preschools. I did worry sometimes that my kids were going to be behind in kindergarten or something, but that didn’t happen. It’s true that even preschools have moved toward more “school” work and less playing around time. My kids both just liked to play at that age.
Best of luck finding a better fit. It’s tough to juggle it all sometimes.
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Yeah, preschool worksheets sounds like overkill. (If you’re stuck with similar programs, though, would maybe sending him with his own crayons/markers help? Something with a big soft grip? You’ve probably thought of this already.)
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I didn’t want to offer assvice, but montessori preschools don’t do worksheets, and the children will get to choose what they work on. So if Ian can follow instructions, but has deficits in defined areas, like holding a pencil, montessori might work for him. I’m not a big fan of “theory-based” childhood education, like montessori, but it’s possible that the practical aspects of one method might work better for your child than another, without it being right for every child. Montessori kids do need to be able to “work” without a lot of one on one attention or individualized instruction, though.
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I’ve been a big fan of the Montessori method. I like that kids don’t have to do everything as a group. The problem with Montessori is that it is also too work oriented. Ian’s a smart kid and when it comes time for academic achievement, he’s going to have no problems. The pencil grip will come in time. He really needs to expand his talking time by messing around with other kids. He needs social opportunities that he doesn’t get at Montessori with everybody on their own mats.
Yeah, Lizardbreath, I’ll have to get some special large grip pencils for him. I had no idea that I had to worry about this, too.
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Have you considered Waldorf?
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Gah! Again, I feel guilty for being blessed with such good fortune — the government funded Child Care Resources agency is especially geared at finding and supporting child care solutions for special needs kids.
The teachers at youngest’s daycare got specialized training with CCR providing someone to cover their shifts at that time. There were plenty of on-site visits from various assessors and assistants. She got OT and PT onsite (we had to drive her out for speech therapy but that was fine) and they were simply superb.
I am so sorry that this didn’t work out. You have an amazingly positive attitude about this. I hope that pays off and Ian gets a placement that works for him. You all certainly deserve that after this crazy place and the wacky idea of forced academics for preschoolers!
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As a preschool teacher, I am frankly appalled that they have four year olds doing worksheets and then are critical of the kid who is actually doing the age-appropriate thing. It makes me crazy!!!!!!!! And it’s wrong, wrong, wrong and bad for kids in the short and long run.
Find a more developmentally appropriate place if you can.
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We had all three of our kids at an absolutely wonderful, generally free play center (though they somehow came to Kindergarten knowing how to tell time, the months and days, and how to stand in line – it’s a miracle!) the one you now need to replace sounds like nonsense to me.
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Laura — our montessori has plenty of time for social interaction and free play, and children are allowed to shared “works” (there are “two-person” works). I think with regard to those questions, you have to look at the specific montessori (some are more “academic” than others). Ours, which is a day care/preschool, has an academic portion, but the kids get a lot of outdoor time, and they can work together, and they have group activities, like art, dance, music, and yoga, where there is more social interaction. I too have “very smart” children whose primary reason for school/daycare is to give them social interaction, and find that our montssori completely fulfills this need. But, my kids go full time (5 days/week, 9-5), so perhaps all of these activities are met only in that longer day.
bj
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Did my comment come out wrong? All I meant was that Ian has a lot of needs. One of them is that he needs to socialize to improve his speech. He needs to do the back and forth thing with other kids all afternoon in an unstructured environment. The Montessori program that I saw didn’t allow for that. I saw kids doing worksheets on mats. But I understand that Montessori programs vary greatly, so maybe I should look in another town.
I’ve also heard good things about Waldorf, but I haven’t seen any around here.
I called another place today and they also said that they were “an academic” program. Now I know the catch phrases. They said that there were under pressure from parents to give the kids a head start in KIndergarten.
poor kids.
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Any Reggio Emilio-based schools near you? Our four-year old is in a “play”-based preschool that applies some Reggio Emilio ideas. If he had to color in worksheets all day, he’d last about 2 minutes (minute one: color in worksheet, using as many different colors as possible; minute two: request glue and scissors). Anyway, good luck. Finding a good preschool is such a huge drag, but I hope things work out.
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No Waldorf unless you check very, very, very carefully. The more doctrinaire ones are erm cultic.
http://www.waldorfcritics.org/index.html
Also, they tend to deny the existence of learning disabilities such as dyslexia. I know a family where the Waldorf student was passed along through middle school. The child’s reading level is about the beginning of second grade.
Here’s a pretty good site on activities to develop fine motor skills. Use it as a list to talk to preschools
http://www.shrewsbury-ma.gov/schools/Beal/readiness/finemotoractivities.html
and for things to do at home.
Here are two sites about Reggio Emilia that you might find helpful:
http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/poptopics/reggio.html
http://www.reggioalliance.org/
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No — you’re comment didn’t come out wrong (about montessories). The only point I wanted to make is that montessoris vary a lot. In ours, there are definitely no worksheets, and the kids covet them, the way they do candy. The teachers find this amusing. I’ve heard others complain about the structure/academic focus of montesori, and I think it really depends on the individual school, teachers, parents and children.
bj
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I didn’t want to offer assvice, but …
Hey, it wasn’t that bad!
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Laura, something’s been bothering me about this, and I’ve been so busy the past week or so I haven’t had a chance to reply till now.
Isn’t the preschool’s refusal to care for your son a violation of ADA? I would certainly look into that. NJ has an inclusive education project that includes preschool, I thought.
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Yeah, WendyW. I should have written a followup to this post. On Monday, I called to formally pull Ian out of the program. When they wouldn’t give me my deposit back, I asked to speak to the Director and said that if you’re kicking me kid out, then I need my $500 back. She said they were absolutely NOT kicking out my kid and then said that they would let him do other desk activities like puzzles when the other kids were doing worksheets. Yadda. Yadda. Totally took back everything that the teacher said. Later that day, I found out that they can’t kick them out if they are receiving federal funding. So, I’m keeping him in there for a little while longer. The social intereaction with the kids is much better for him than being home with a babysitter. I’m going to have to constantly monitor whether he or the teachers are getting too frustrated. I was such a stressed out mess this week when he was there, that I couldn’t concentrate on work. Can’t compartmentalize. But if it’s okay, then in the Spring, I’ll have a babysitter for one day, two days at this place, and I’ll work on Saturdays.
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My four year old does one worksheet a day. So far he doesn’t appear to be headed for rehab.
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Thanks, Laura, for the update. It just didn’t seem right to me, and I’m glad the director thinks so, too.
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At the risk of committing a blog faux pas by commenting on an older post, I just wanted to point out something about Montessori schools…
There are basically 2 (formal) strains of Montessori education in the US – American Montessori and International Montessori. American is far more laid back, often factoring in time for free play; International Montessori is far more rigid in adhering to Montessori’s philosophies. We checked out both an International and American school when we were changing preschools a couple of years ago; we found the American philosophy far more to our liking (and far more in tune with our son’s abilities & interests…). bj’s Montessori school sounds like an American Montessori.
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