I just got back from spending six hours in traffic court. I spent so much time with the other scofflaws that I think we’re now related. I’m going to have to invite them to our next family gathering. Mr. 29ParkingTickets and Mr. ConcealedWeapon will get a big plate of pasta from my mom.
One little fashion tip for blog readers who ever have the misfortune to go to traffic court. Don’t wear jeans that are torn under the butt cheeks. Also don’t wear low riders and tube tops that show off your butt crack tattoo. This goes double if the wearer is over 40. There was a surprising amount butt exposure in court tonight. I’m not sure if the judge looked too favorably on those cases.
Another word of advice. When a school bus is stopped in the opposite lane of traffic, come to a complete stop and don’t proceed until that stop sign flap is firmly against the bus and all lights have stopped blinking. Even if that is your usual bus stop and you know all the kids getting on the bus and you watch them get in and you watch the bus doors shut and the bus driver smiles at you and waves. Especially don’t proceed, if there’s a police car hiding directly behind the stopped bus. Signed letters by witnesses stating that all children were in the bus don’t help out that much.
However, later thanking the police officer for his vigilance in keeping our shiny town safe for chldren and having a spotless driving record does help out. It might even knock down a major penalty, five points and huge fines, to a careless driving ticket, which is only two points and a small fine.
I’m rather jangly from being juiced up on soda and Snicker bars from 7-11. I owe the blog one decent post and a response to some clever comments, but I’m done for tonight.
Apt. 11d 
A little late, but here are my tips for future visitors to traffic court, based on my one experience eight years ago:
1) When you are asked about your conviction stub, acting sweetly ignorant and saying “What’s a conviction stub?” might help you in front of the judge.
2) Always ask the police to provide a supporting deposition (I think that’s what it’s called), regardless of whether or not there are any disputed facts. It might well slip through the cracks, and then that may provide a basis for dismissal of the charges.
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Not too bad. Our babysitter got a $500 fine and three days in jail for going 105 mph – after we found out about this we never had her drive our kids again. There’s some nice proportionality in all this – the guy caught two months before for going 126 got 12 days in jail and, I think, a $2000 fine.
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Hilarious. And so tiely; here’s the honest-to-God headline from a pretty funny A-hed in Tuesday’s Wall Street Journal; fortunately, there were no photos:
Perpetrator Problem:
It’s Hard to Run Away
In Falling Trousers
Cops Say Loose, Baggy Jeans
Trip Up Many a Thief;
‘Hey, Dude, Buy a Belt’
By SERENA NG
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Hmm, the WSJ isn’t usually known for poetic headlines. Neat.
I once watched a cop pull a screetching, dirt-flinging U-ie on a two-lane road to chase somebody who ran a school bus sign, and I cheered like a wild woman. I have been known to step out in front of a moving vehicle who is trying to do that to my kids’ busses, just to scare the crap outta the creeps. Then I stand in the middle of the street and scream and point to the bus’ stop sign, just to add embarrassment to their grief. I’m not vigilante-mom about much, but that’s a pet peeve. I guess it’s from putting a special-needs kid on a bus from the time he was 3-years-old.
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Umm, “C” is me. Stupid computer
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I knew a guy who knew a guy what lost his license for speeding.
He and some friends were fixing up a race car, and they got done before the race. So one night, having had a bit to drink, they decided to try it out. Got pulled over doing just under 200 mph over the speed limit–220 in a 25 zone at 2 in the morning.
(I really can’t convey the full funniness of the stories because I can’t write accents.)
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