Big Love has to be one of the most radical shows on TV. In the course of the last 10 episodes, they have convinced me that there is nothing wrong with polygamy. Admittedly, I never gave much thought to the issue before, other than an “ew.” But now, I’ve put it in the same category as other “lifestyle options” that I wouldn’t choose for myself, but don’t give a crap if other people do it.

The show follows Bill and his three wives, who are forced to hide their relationship from the world. The mean, scheming, judgy Mormons and the bad polygamists continually threaten their happiness. And in the last episode, the wives bond together in some almost pagan, girl-power thing. No oppressed doormats are they. It’s a fun show.

In one episode, the leader of the bad polygamists said that “if the homosexuals can get married and have the right to privacy, then so should we”. He makes the connection between gay marriage and polygamy that was debated by Jane Galt and Ampersand last week.

In recent years, I have heard the term “valid lifestyle option” batted around. It’s a vile term for many reasons, but the judginess gets me the most. By inserting that word “valid,” it means that some lifestyle options aren’t valid. There are pronouncements of who’s in the cool club and who isn’t. Polygamy is out, but open marriage is in. Gay marriage good; traditional marriage bad. Unitarians good; fundamentalists bad. City folk good; suburbanites bad.

I couldn’t care less if a consenting adult wants to enter into a plural marriage anymore than I care if a married person has a friend on the side. As long as there is no negative impact on the kids. If you can show me that polygamy messes with the kids, then that’s a different story. (One of the reason that I love gay adoption so much is that the new parents are so in love with their kids and so grateful to have gotten them. Everybody should be so in love with their kids. )

Another issue is whether the government and business should extend benefits and supports to include everyone in the group. That’s another debate.

I think it is a losing and offensive battle to determine whose lifestyle is “valid” or not. The standards are arbitrary and the motives suspect. Big love. Big tent.