In eighth grade French, M. Rachelle interrupted conjugating the verb, etre, to pass on some very important information.
Je suis, tu es, il est, elle est, nous sommes, vous etes … Class, you should always put on enough makeup in the morning, so that you don’t have to reapply your base or your mascara during the day.
M. Rachelle was full of wisdom on topics related to clothing and makeup and very generously shared these facts with our class. Back in the 70s, she told us that we should always wear a strong sunblock when tanning, which shows that she was a woman ahead of her times. She also showed by demonstration. With her heels and big hair, she would make the 13 year old boys quiver and even old Mon. Bison would find excuses to drop into class. I took copious notes.
I was very thankful to M. Rachelle, because I wasn’t getting any of this info at home.
My mother is tone death to girlie things. She never told me that you should wear flats with a long skirts or how to dry curly hair or that if you have good legs, you should wear mini skirts. She also had odd rules. She wouldn’t let me shave my legs until high school. Clogs and tube tops were banned. I mean how Dark Ages could she get?
I had to pick up information by memorizing large chunks of Seventeen magazine and by studying others, like M. Rachelle.
When I would ridicule my mom for not knowing how to dress like the other moms in town, she would say that there were more important things in the world. I really couldn’t think of anything more important than protecting oneself from the mean girls in eighth grade.
So, it took me until I was 30 to catch up to other girls who had moms to train them in the ways of eyebrow grooming and swimsuit selection. I vowed to never put my daughter in such a precarious position — teaching her all about the lives of the saints, but never pointing out you shouldn’t wear a navy shirt with a black skirt. Duh. I’ve been keeping careful mental notes of these important life lessons to pass onto my daughter.
One should be “Always have a little black dress in your closet. Never put off buying it until two days before the event, because you’ll never find the perfect one when in such a panic.”
That’s what’s going on today. I have a fund raising event on Thursday night at my alma mater and nothing to wear. The Banana has only one black dress in stock, but it is a butt enlarger. There is no way my ass is that big in real life. I went to Ann Taylor, but their dresses are built for women with a larger rib cage than I have. Even the size 1/2 was falling off.
I am very sad that I have no girls to hand down these pearls of wisdom. I will have to take my nieces aside when they reach middle school for a long chat.
My mom is still a bad dresser. A couple of weeks ago, I went over for a visit, and she was in purple polyester pants and a nunish jacket and nunish shoes.
Mom! How can wear those clothes? You are not a nun. Stop dressing like one.
Leave me alone, Laura. I’m an old lady. Besides you know that nothing fits me.
Well, it’s true that it’s hard to find clothes for little mommy. She’s only five feet tall, but it’s not that hard.
Later that night, I opened up the Lands End catalog and ordered $500 worth of stuff and sent it to her house. It was an expensive gift, but I knew that she would end up returning 90 percent of it. She was pissed off with me, but recovered. She even kept a sweater set, blouse, and a nice pair of pants. We’ll keep doing this until she throws away the nun shoes.
Ses chaussettes ne sont pas jolies.
Apt. 11d 
La vie est tres difficile pour les femmes. Les hommes ne bien comprend. C’est vraiment difficile a trouver des beau vetement ici aux etats-unis. Et je bien comprend la mere qui n’habille tres bien. Je suis sur que mon obession avec des vetments est parceque ma mere a habille tres mauvaisement.
Bonne chance avec la robe. Je suis sur que tu trouveras quel que chose tres jolie!
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My mom worshiped at the temple of Venus when I was at that awkward age. Unfortunately, beyond some basic color sense, I failed to absorb any beauty skills. “We must suffer to be beautiful,” said my mom, wielding a smoking hot curling iron, but I became a conscientious objector. My sister, who had many female friends in school, did much better.
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I missed all the lessons too (although my mother could have given them, if I weren’t so repelled by the junior sex kittens in 4th grade).
I have discovered one thing for Events. Instead of a little black dress — everyone else is going to be wearing one — invest in absolutely aMAZing tops. Fancy watered or pleated silk tops with swell jewelry outshine all the LBDs in the room, to say nothing of the black trousers or skirt you wear them with.
And it took me till age 40 to figure that one out, because I was slow realizing that $80 for a fabulous top is a lot cheaper than a dress. I just spent 20 years thinking “I’m not spending $80 for a SHIRT!!!”
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I never learned any of that stuff either. I only realized in my 40s how much work other women do to look good, and I’m glad I never knew. Young women really don’t need all that crap, but I guess it’s good practice. It’s only now, in middle age, that I realize I desperately need better makeup and hair and clothes now that the bloom of youth is gone. I hate looking like I need a nap.
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My mum was the same, and I still have no idea about that stuff. I think I’ve figured out the clothes for myself, but the hair and makeup – no idea. I don’t think it’s ruined my life, in fact, I don’t care at all now that I don’t spend any time on my appearance (I can get out of the house in 10 minutes if I have an early plane to catch) but it certainly made high school pretty unpleasant.
One day I’ll blog about it, but I’ll have to be careful, because my mum reads my blog.
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I’m fascinated about this whole topic and I guess it is because there are so many “rules” about style and such and yet they don’t apply to everyone across the board…you’ve got to learn to develop your own style and yet not look like a nun or a slut or a space cadet.
I picked up “the rules” from a mishmash of places–my mother (“you can never have too many white blouses), my sister, my girlfriends, magazines, etc. but ultimately had to develop my own style out of all that.
Geez–this *is* so confusing. How will be daughter manage this?
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I’m actually grateful I never learned those lessons. I recently had a house guest from France (I’m in NYC) who refused to meet her New York brother (whom she sees once a year, if that) for a beverage because she “needed” TWO HOURS to get dressed for a party. And complained that we have no hair dryer nor full-length mirror. How I suffer to have someone with a guest room in Paris owe me lodging!
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Two hours! Good Lord. I had a couple of grad school buddies like that. And guess what? They never finished their dissertations.
My rules are all about how to look good and get out of the bathroom quickly. I think if you know what looks good on you and you have your short cuts like Meg, then you should be done –shower to shoes in half an hour.
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Pants For Tall Men
axcess Texture-Striped Pleated Dress Pants – Big Tall Dress Pants Compare Mens Pan
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This blog is cool 😮 I was just looking up conjugations for etre because I always forget after je suis 😐
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La vie est tres difficile pour les femmes. Les hommes ne comprend pas. C’est vraiment difficile a trouver des vetement jolie ici aux etats-unis. Et je bien comprend la mere qui ne habille pas tres bien. J’ai mon obession avec des vetements parceque ma mere s’habille tres mal.
Bonne chance avec la robe. Je suis sur que vous trouverez quelque chose de tres jolie!
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My wife is quite a lot like your mother. It is tough for our little red-headed girl. LRHG is picking stuff up from her friends, and from Brownies.
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I’m no where close to being a girly girl, but I do like to look nice. My mother got me to wear my hair out when I was a teenager, which I refused to do for years, and wear a skirt or dress maybe 3 times. I wear pants 99% of the time but I still can get sexy.
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oh my god so am I!
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